tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-81364095140442325202024-02-19T08:51:08.532-05:00Life under His wings.God's story for my life reads like a novel written in streams of conscience sometimes. Even so, it all seems to come together to make a beautiful story. I love to go back and put all of the mess together and see how God's providence prevails in my story.
Just blogging for Jesus!Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18022397450457675500noreply@blogger.comBlogger417125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8136409514044232520.post-91050834858517654512014-01-08T18:32:00.000-05:002014-01-08T18:32:39.420-05:00A secret between you and me.I remember back to the original days of my blog when, in all my naivete, I thought the internet was anonymous. What? You mean I could write on this page, and not attach a full name or profile (which I hadn't then) and amongst the millions of other bloggers out there, people could actually figure out who I was and then computer stalk me? What? No way! Well, much to my chagrin, they did. And sadly enough some weren't nice. Surprisingly, which is even altogether the more impressive thing though, is that I know enough about computers to know that I could install tracking software on the blog page to track the people (through cookies) who would enter my page and go straight back though their i.p. address to those who were being so mean to me. So, I know personally the ones who called me the ugly names and said all the unkind things to me. I have been incredibly hesitant to write ever since then.<br />
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But now I am back. I will be writing on here more often and logging my thoughts, as random as they may be on life and on my experiences specifically in my personal Bible studies.<br />
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For now I think I will let you in on a secret: <br />
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There is no such thing as anonymous on the internet!<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">S</span><span style="font-size: large;">h</span><span style="font-size: small;">h</span><span style="font-size: x-small;">h</span><span style="font-size: xx-small;">h</span>! It's our secret.Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18022397450457675500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8136409514044232520.post-13164954151516896012013-11-01T23:37:00.000-04:002013-11-01T23:37:40.942-04:00Cold turkeyI'm not talking turkey, ha!, as in delicatessen or thanksgiving brand fowl. No, I'm talking the kind that leads to lectures from your pharmacist friend and fear of even telling your doctor/ friend. Yeah, I'm talking about quitting certain meds cold turkey. Ok, so this will probably make some cringe and others worry and even more readers think I am more foolish than they first thought, but that's just all a matter of your perspective of me and my reasoning. I've been on a couple of ssri meds for awhile now (since I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis nearly 3 years ago) for depression and anxiety. These meds took the fear and the distress out of a pretty crumby prognosis. They also saved me from my tears. Yeah I cried a lot before- just go back and read past posts (many were written with healthy tears streaming down my cheeks). But you can't imagine the tears that came when I found out that my immune system was eating my myelin sheaths-- whatever. It could only lead to bad things as I age but what bad things were left totally up to the disease. If the immune system decided to munch on the nerves to my eyes I could go blind (I actually lost central vision in one eye last winter, but it is better now). If it decides to make a meal of certain nerves that affect my legs I could be bound to a walker or worse a wheelchair. So you can see what fed my depression and anxiety. Every funny feeling in any area of my body and my thoughts snowballed to "could this be it?" Well, as I got used to the meds my tears and fears lessened. I found that I was not even having to mask my healthy tears. I could wear mascara again. And woo boy did I. I loved the feeling of not being ashamed of my frequent tears. Slowly, I forgot that tears could be healthy and I forgot what God had told me about my tears one day. I forgot that tears were my gift of praise and love to God. That my tears were a result of my love for him and his people.<br />
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Now skip ahead a few years to this stoic, seemingly angry and seemingly (or maybe even truly) resentful shell of this once God loving, God fearing woman. This woman who once cried for a squished turtle or with a friend whose heart was breaking now only cried tears in anger or frustration. The tears of compassion and empathy were long buried. BUT along with those tears went most sincere smiles, the ridiculous uncontrollable laughter over my jokes that only I found the humor in to start.<br />
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Skip ahead again to 10 days ago. I forgot my pills. After a couple of days of forgetting them I realized that I wasn't as tired as I normally was. I decided to experiment for a week. I went off all meds just to see what happened. -- Now on a side note,<b> don't do this!!!</b> I would be the worst person ever to follow in medical decisions. After 7 days I ran into a friend in the store. She told me about some really bad things going on in her life. I found MYSELF (the real me) crying with her. My leaky eyes reminded me of that woman who once would cry with her friends or acquaintances or even the wooly worm she nearly ran over on the highway.<br />
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This is when I decided my cold turkey was better than I thought. But how long would the face buzzing last? I contacted my friend who is a pharmacist. Of course he didn't have to lecture me- I already knew what I did was not the best choice. He told me though that by this time the electric lips would soon diminish. Now at day 10, I am glad I did it this way. (<b>Again don't, please don't use me as an example for what to do)</b>. I make bad choices often and thankfully God uses them to teach me a lesson. This was a bad choice in my going about it, but only by doing it this way was I able to see what God wanted me to see. Even if my vision is blurred through tears, I could clearly see what he was teaching me. That I need him not drugs to keep me safe. He is my rock, not Zoloft. He is my comfort, not Wellbutrin. Even if I really did need them (many people do and so don't stop yours without consulting your doctor) I needed this lesson even more. I want to repeat that for emphasis. I needed to learn a lesson even more than I needed the medicine. My heart has been securely locked away for safe keeping and has shut people out for too long. The medicine made me not need these people and in the end forget my need for God. He reminded me tonight that even though I desperately want to be able to sing (so badly I posted on Facebook recently asking if anyone ever wanted something so badly it hurt. I got several noble responses so I didn't reveal my desire to be able to sing without making dogs howl) he has given me healthy tear ducts and a huge heart to share with people instead. My voice will simply have to please him alone (well maybe my girls and preschoolers too cause they don't know the difference). I found my heart and dusted it off this week. I hope all of the people I have placed in a safe place outside my bubble will forgive me for keeping them at arms reach... or for some farther than that.<br />
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I have referenced to times in my past that I previously wrote about so feel free to browse back through my past posts if you are stumped over something I said. I hope to be writing on a regular basis again.<br />
<br />Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18022397450457675500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8136409514044232520.post-80672037652295848632012-03-27T18:02:00.000-04:002012-03-27T18:02:22.301-04:00Spoons verses knives... and thoughts on me.Today in my own private... well not so private that most all of my coworkers weren't present, for it was actually staff meeting, therapy session I was made to think about a few things. It is easy to be an open book on the computer and share your thoughts and ideas and goals with a faceless crowd, but doing this to a crowd of faces (those whom I care about and have gotten to know) in person and even now via this blog is a totally different story.<br />
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I have in the past been very open on here, because I knew the people who read and I already knew what they thought of me. Whether bad or good, it didn't matter for such is life. Some responses hurt, but when you've been hurt by someone in the past you can expect it again and again and so you are armed with that expectation. It doesn't hurt as badly when you can brace for it. And I generally turn the other cheek, but once turned I know the second one is coming.<br />
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<span class="editsection">For someone like me who thinks everything TO DEATH and takes everything literally and personally, it doesn't take much to cause deep wounds. And actually the dull or blunt weapons (spoons)- the hurts disguised as something other than what they really are, hurt worse than the sharp, piercing words (knives) that could never be disguised. So, being hurt like that, I quit blogging. I tend to give that sort of hurt the pleasure of winning. The one's who love me, hurt me most. It doesn't hurt so bad when it comes from someone who doesn't love you. To be completely honest, I've been hurt so many times by people I should have trusted with my life, by people who claim to love me, think of my best interests, that it is hard for me to let people love me. I find it so much easier to have shallow relationships or be real friends with people who in no way would ever disguise hurtful words, or friendly with people who claim to love me. Yep-- sometimes I am drawn to mean people. To the people who have stung me with sharp words. I find myself terrified of people who say they love me. Terrified to the point of building up a very stout, but invisible wall between me and them. I stack all but a few bricks as time in the relationship goes on just waiting for that person to hurt me and prove my wall beneficial. Then I finish off the wall. I still interact and love and am friendly with these people, but I am completely guarded and manipulative in what part of me I share with them. The me they see, is the me they want to see. There are a minority of people who know the "real" me. My husband, my best friend from high school... OK, so 2 people. Neither one of them have ever caused me to put up a wall. </span><br />
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<span class="editsection">The person I fear losing the most is my husband. The reason I know he loves me is that he lets me be exactly who I am. He never tries to put me into a category, never tries to change me, never tries to second guess me... He loves me for some reason exactly as I am-- and I am far from worthy. I think this is why I have such a profound respect for him. He loves me like my Heavenly Father loves me, like Jesus loves me, like the Bible tells him to love me. </span><br />
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<span class="editsection">That is how I know he loves me. It is also how I know who I am today. The person he allows me to be <i>is</i> me. </span><br />
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<span class="editsection">I am thoughtful; I like the things I like even if others find them ridiculous; I like to work alone because I am much more productive that way and can be more efficient-- I also do not have to worry about hurting that persons feelings by telling them I want to do it my way (red) or the other option which I have so many times done- give in and just silently do what everyone else wants to do not offering my own ideas (blue); I like to think of new things; I have high expectations for myself and other people. I value a fast learner, a motivated person, a "go getter". I value a person I can trust not to make excuses, but who will tell me the truth and work as hard as I do to get a project done at the same time, if I am not working hard, I don't expect someone else to. I feel totally guilty if someone is working harder than me (almost to the appearance of being competitive, nosy, or a control freak.) Once I make my mind up, there is no stopping me (no person that can at least-- I've been redirected by God before). </span><br />
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<span class="editsection">Once an idea or goal or vision is in my mind, I don't want others' opinions unless I ask, I don't want others' input unless I ask and I don't like to share these ideas because that is the first instinct of everyone I have ever met-- that is to tell you how you should do it. When they do this, I feel I have to choose either the direct (Red) way of handling the advice or the peace making (Blue) way. If I keep to myself, I get it done the way I vision it. If it is not as good as I planned, I can perfect it. If I end up sharing an idea, I usually just go ahead, play dumb and get that person to tell me how to do it just to forgo all of the drama in my head of the advice session which inevitably is bound to follow. Or, I preface my ideas with-- these are dumb ideas-- so that if you have an idea different it won't hurt your feelings by mine being "not yours" and at the same time it allows the other person to at least hear and possibly weigh my ideas as an option without me being blunt and if they are found to be "dumb" I've already said so and my feelings can't get hurt. </span><br />
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<span class="editsection">Yup, I'm me; as messed up as it sounds, that is who I am. Love me or leave me. Hopefully the ones who truly love me will love me as <i>me</i>. The me who over thinks everything, even to the point of over thinking <i>me</i>.</span><br />
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<span class="editsection"><br /></span>Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18022397450457675500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8136409514044232520.post-12702652417989220642012-03-17T15:08:00.000-04:002012-03-17T15:08:34.473-04:00Here is what I am up to.Not that at this point I have any followers left I am sure, for it has been a really long time since I've written... but <a href="http://www.boonescreekcc.org/">here</a> is what I am up to. I am considering taking up the pen again and writing (or tapping at the keyboard rather) much to the chagrin of a best friend of mine who thinks blogging is stupid. I am prepared to take the flak-- I'm pretty sure I have never actually typed that word before and am shocked it is a real word... but back to the drivel- well maybe just to said friend, possibly my monological writing will be beneficial to some people. I know I went back and read some of my words [out of boredom I went to the stats of my all but abandoned blog and found that many times a day this one particular page was being trafficked by people all around the world so I followed the entry point to this page]-- <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cc6600; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 25px;"><a href="http://lifeunderhiswings.blogspot.com/2010/03/satan-is-author-of-all-lies-fear-and.html">Satan is the author of all lies, fear and shame!</a> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cc6600; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 25px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: small; line-height: normal;">a post that has been read 100's of times by people literally all over the world (according to the stats). In reading this long since forgotten post, I actually helped myself realize that writing is helpful to me. I can logically and scripturally analyze my issues-- issues that I must not be alone in dealing with or at least they are found amusing. </span></span><br />
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Oh so, so, so, so many issues. I apparently have more issues than any real life person and thus am my own story book character-- or so I've been told.<br />
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So first off-- to all the critics of homeschooling moms-- you win. I gave that up. BUT I still do not think I was wrong in homeschooling-- just my goals for my daughters success will be better served in the setting at the public school arena. I think looking back on my goals-- which I never really calculated inso much as long term goals, were mostly protection and sheltering, and providing a better chance for them to grow in knowledge-- for 1 on 2 teaching 7 days a week, 365 days a year NEVER happens in the public school setting. Looking at how God defines success and what he measures on our "report cards" is TOTALLY different. He looks at the heart. He looks at how my girls love him by loving others and by standing up for him in the face of adversity. Well what am I protecting and sheltering them from? Adversity and conflict. How will they become competent at this and ready to be fully challenged with this if they are not allowed to practice facing the enemy with my helping hand beside and eventually behind them. If I am in front-- then I am the one facing the foe. Right? When I finally one day step out of the way, if they have never seen the enemy because my protective cover has always blocked it, will they see past his beauty and recognize him for what he is?<br />
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Even so, this is not the reason I quit homeschooling; it is however, the conclusion I have come to as I seek God's meaning in these changes he is asking us or maybe just allowing us to make. This year our lives in this house have changed more than just school-wise. I am now a full time working mom. A very good/ God thing! I have a new love which I can't wait to eventually share photos with you. You see, his name is Apache. He is black and white and has a marbled eye and weighs about 900 pounds. His barn sister is closing in the gap though as my favorite-- Duchess or "baby girl". She is the horse I helped my dear friend Peggy break this year. Apache is the horse I ride currently, but am likely to start riding duchess soon. Riding is the way I have found to relax and completely forget about the worries of this life. There is no better way to let go than to take off in a full canter, hair flying in the wind behind me... makes me long to be saddled up right now.<br />
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So, wether or not I continue to write on here is still up in the air, but just so you know. I am alive-- I AM because He's living in me!Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18022397450457675500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8136409514044232520.post-28519518998513738722011-01-22T10:33:00.000-05:002011-01-22T10:33:33.127-05:00Sorry to be a cynic.I will be taking a break from the blog for a while. While you wait-- read these books: Radical by David Platt, Crazy Love by Francis Chan, and In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day by Mark Batterson. Then you will understand how someone can sell an NBA team and give the entire amount to a foundation for ministry, or how a couple of engineers can take their family into the mission field and live serving Christ, or how a famous Christian artist can live on a small salary and give all of the rest of his money from his music to the church and live on a reservation ministering to the people there. I want to be a lion chaser.<br />
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Or don't and be left out!Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18022397450457675500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8136409514044232520.post-76821103755095560642011-01-21T08:54:00.000-05:002011-01-21T08:54:24.366-05:00I dare you! Hah! Triple dog dare you!The Lord is moving in our country. I just know He is. For He never sleeps and has a plan that must come to completion before He can return for us. His plan will not be stopped by man. We can not push Him so far out of our lives that He will forget us altogether. He loves us too much. We may forget Him, but He will not forsake us. You know (this is a little off subject, but relevant to my last statement there.) The other day I was listening to Mark on my Ipod, and hearing the words of Jesus spoken in a dramatized way-- like listening to Jesus speak those "red letter" words was so powerful. When He was on the cross and cried out-- His torture was not the pain He was certainly feeling, it was God turning away from Him. HE said, "My God, my God why have you forsaken me." Just hearing this made me realize just how horrible a life without God will be for those who do not walk hand in hand with our Savior. The pain of a burning sulfuric lake for eternity is nothing compared to having God turn away from you.<br />
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Anyhow back to my point. God is moving here. I know He is moving in major ways in my life. Do you remember my post from a while back. <a href="http://www.blogger.com/posts.g?security_token=AOuZoY4oYTyoMocO86swUk7c_fcw_sRUxA%3A1295615110669&blogID=8136409514044232520&label=&searchType=ALL&txtKeywords=carter&numPosts=25">This one</a>. The fourth paragraph down where I tell a brief scenario of a lady who prophesied at our Bible study. Well, what she said was that God was going to change our finances in a major way. I am slowly realizing major to God is not what we would ever consider. For with this prophesy I have been waiting on His promise and expecting a major promotion for Ernie, or an enormous salary increase... I did not know it was a change of heart and faith he was talking about and a life filled with provision and purpose. Think about the missionaries who are doctors or pilots or engineers... as they were going through their training for well to do jobs and high salaried jobs, do you think their first thoughts of God's major plans for them was that they would be living as missionaries making just enough to live with no luxuries, giving all of their training and wealth potential to serve Christ? I doubt it. I am starting to realize that even when He speaks to us in our human language, He is still Maker and Creator of all things and lives in the spiritual realm and so refers to eternity more often that the blink of an eye here on earth. His "major", I believe, refers to the treasure store in heaven-- even though there must be major paradigm shift for me or any of us to change our perception and purpose which is mostly focused on our earthly pleasures and comfort. It takes major remodeling of the heart for a person to turn their undivided attention away from themselves and focus on others in complete love and sincerity. <br />
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I think this is the season of my life currently. I think God is working on turning my attention from earth toward Him. I think He is miraculously answering my prayers of desire to do for others and be more generous almost immediately. He is offering an extra helping of hope in making my radical dreams become reality because my dreams are radically and whole heartedly bent toward serving Him and spreading the Gospel of Christ to all nations. I can't wait to see what God is planning and share His plans with you. I pray that you will become close to the Holy Spirit and know that no prayer will go unanswered if it is God's will. So pray God's will for your life, and watch the answered prayers roll in in droves. You will be overwhelmed by a relentless God. (This is the subtitle to <u>Crazy Love</u> by Francis Chan, and I completely know the feeling of what that phrase means.) In case you are not sure what His will is for your life... just pray, He will show you and put all of His desires in your heart. This is His promise so hold Him to it. He will not forsake you.<br />
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I will share with you my memory verse for today. <span style="color: blue;">Micah 6: 8 He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.</span> Now go read the rest of <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Micah+6&version=NIV">Micah chapter 6</a>. As you read it place us as God's people instead of Israel and make this Word from God relevant to your life. For you know what is good, just and humble. Jesus was the perfect example. Go back and reread what He taught (in the NT books of Matthew, Mark, Luke or John) and assume the role of His disciple. Lay your treasures down at His feet and humbly follow Him. I dare you! I dare myself!Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18022397450457675500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8136409514044232520.post-39846159410303919832011-01-11T21:47:00.001-05:002011-01-11T21:47:52.524-05:00The answer is, "Go and I'll pave the way".I can not/ will not divulge exactly how, but I found out tonight that God has promised us the exact!!!!! $4,000 we will need to take the family to Haiti. He simply answered us with a firm "yes, go and I will pave the way." I am amazed at God. BUT I will clarify, not amazed just for the sake of being amazed and dropping my jaw. I am amazed and blessd to have a Father who gives so freely. He always says "yes" when we ask and it is in His will. God wills us to serve Him and so when we ask for help in doing this--- What will he not say "yes" to? Don't worry about how you will be able to do what He asks no matter how difficult... If you give yourself to Him to be used I promise and more importantly, He promises to do great things through you. Aligh yourself with God and He will do amazing things through you. We will aligh ourselves with God and He will do great things through us. I will align myself with God and He will do great things with me.<br />
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<span style="color: blue;">John 6:35 (The Message) Jesus said, "I am the Bread of Life. The person who aligns with me hungers no more and thirsts no more, ever. I have told you this explicitly because even though you have seen me in action, you don't really believe me. Every person the Father gives me eventually comes running to me. And once that person is with me, I hold on and don't let go. I came down from heaven not to follow my own whim but to accomplish the will of the One who sent me.</span><br />
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I align myself with Christ and will hunger and thirst no more. I have seen Him in action and did not believe, but I am now runing as hard as I can toward Him. I am now with Jesus and He is holding tight and will NOT let go. He has come down and filled me with His Spirit to acomplish the great will of God the one who sent Him!Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18022397450457675500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8136409514044232520.post-67402395243507698742011-01-11T14:51:00.000-05:002011-01-11T14:51:17.879-05:00I did it! I complied, but I did not obey.I did it! As of January 25th, I will no longer have Internet access at my house. I want to share a little of what happened and the steps I took in making this decision. Sadly, it was a decision to just obey or not, and I should have never had steps involved in obeying. I would be furious with my children if when I told them to do something or even kindly suggested they do something (which is often my way of nicely telling them what to do) they had several steps to go through before they actually decided I was right. Yeah, most parents would be, so why not God? <br />
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I decided on Sunday that my time was much consumed through the power I have to work, socialize, learn, read, listen, Google... as was $67 per month to pay for this power. So I decided that the best thing would be to save this money and just cancel the service. (What we saved would be the cost of one trip to Haiti.) When I told Ernie my intentions his response was that I would be lost, but that he was fine with it. I decided to do it. <br />
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After some, only slightly, but negative responses from friends and family about my decision and how difficult it would be or how I could find Internet cheaper, I decided to check out the options available to me. (Yeah, I would be a little mad if my daughters consulted their friends on the options involved in obeying me.) That evening, I was chatting with a rep from AT&T for over an hour and was ready to and actually placed my order for a new service through them, and new cell service through them as well. I went to bed a nervous wreck thinking about what if Century Link decided to charge me for termination and I had signed a contract with AT&T... I was sick to my stomach thinking about it. How could I afford a typical $350 early termination fee and the price it was going to cost for my new contracted service? All of this and all I wanted to do was to save money and maybe take back some of my home time as simply at home time. Now I would pay more, and still have the whole package with the Net.<br />
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On Monday morning, I got a very relieving email that made me feel like I had a second chance. AT&T had to terminate my order for they did not service my area. I called Century Link and told them I wanted to cancel. Of course it is not that easy. They directed me to retention where the lady who at one breath says that the $54.95 plus taxes and fees ($67+) was THE lowest they could go changes her tune at "I want to cancel my service". All of a sudden there is a $29.95 plan and she could even give me a $5 discount on top of that. Jeez... now it is a matter of principal. They lied to me for 3 years!!!!! So I call Verizon to see if they could compete with this deal or the deal from AT&T. I was transferred to offices all over the stinking country and to Frontier and all over the country with them, and finally I hung up on them. This was ridiculous. I just called Century Link back to take them up on their offer, which suddenly was no longer available. $29.95 was as low as they could go, but they would have to add the $5 per month charge for the equipment (modem). "What?" I asked. Yes there is always a $5 fee each month for the modem. Your kidding, I've been paying $5 a month for 3 years for a $100 modem? "Yes mam", he says. I tell him just to forget it and cancel for this was my original intent. "OK, Mrs. Simmons, but we are going to have to approve this with Mr. Simmons". What? Fine so I got his number and told Ernie to call him and tell him. At this point I was finally at peace. My stomach immediately quit churning. I felt so at peace. All of a sudden I was a little excited about it. (By the way, when Ernie terminated our service they told him that the modem was ours now.)<br />
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It really is weird how God can make me excited about cutting off my right arm. Now, I look back and compare my obedience-- "obedience" with the obedience I expect from my girls. You know the whole phrase, "You will obey me the first time, all the way, right away!" Is it really obedience when I hem haw around, listen to others for their opinions, take my own approach to do what I know has to be a direction from God? Just for future reference, as my friend said, obedience is when you do it the first time you are told. Not the subsequent times. <br />
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I did not act in obedience here. I acted in reluctance. I complied, but I did not obey.<br />
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I hope and pray that next time I will not dawdle in my obedience. I hope this is a lesson learned. I do plan on giving up something else real soon. I am waiting for God to show me what is next!Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18022397450457675500noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8136409514044232520.post-79154349297761819342011-01-09T16:16:00.000-05:002011-01-09T16:16:02.497-05:00Luke 12:48I sat in class this morning feeling so overwhelmed with sorrow for us all. You know we sit there and discuss the question which we began with, "How do we turn non-Christians from their idols. How do we prove their irrelevance?" Then it moves quickly to pointing the finger at ourselves as Christians-- very quickly. Of this, there is no doubt we need to do some serious soul searching. <br />
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But is soul searching our own idols enough? You know is taking inventory of what consumes us enough? OK, so I take inventory and delete the inappropriate consumptions from my life and go on, thinking I have done some radical thing. You know, maybe I give up my daily Starbucks and switch to Pilot. Maybe I realize I need to spend more time with my family, so I take them somewhere special or turn my phone off at dinner. What <em>are</em> our idols? Money, technology, football... Whatever, it is no longer a concern. But here is my question, beyond this simplistic version of being radical. What about the idols we can't see? What about those we are blinded by? <br />
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Do you know that we all-- especially if you have the equipment to read this blog, have more money than 97% of the rest of the world. We go on with our daily grind after ridding ourselves of our idols thinking we have made it and are headed in the right direction, but are we really. I feel we suffer from an idol called complacency or indifference. We sit sheltered (in every capacity), hovered under cover because it is 3 degrees outside. It never occurs to us that there are people out there in much colder temps living on the streets. Sadly enough even these people in America have more money than most people in the world. The infrequent handout of a $20 would surpass the 20% of Russians who live on less than $35 a month. <br />
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So what do we do with the fact that we are not just blessed, WE ARE FILTHY RICH folks! The blinders are off. No longer can we think that because we are in the lower to middle class America we have the right to complain every now and then because others are much better off than ourselves. <em>We</em> have to do something. We have to do something with our blessings. Read this scripture with the knowledge that you are the rich man Jesus talks about so often!<span style="color: blue;"> Luke 12:48 ... From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked. </span><span style="color: black;">Now read it again. Have you been given much (do you know your standing in the world?)-- for sure we have (and I just told you your standing in the world)! So how much is demanded from us? It is all about stewardship. So what, we give 10% of our income to the church and then some? Is that really what Christ asks us to do. I have often heard and used to be in accord with the believers that thought that the demand for a tithe was simply not talking about us-- this was about the Jews and their law. We are not under the law so this does not exactly apply to me. Then when I swapped sides of the fence I realized that in not giving God what He requires (a sacrifice with total reliance on Him) I was cheating God. So what about when we give our sacrifice? Is it enough. Is it enough knowing what we know about the... Well, just do this. Count to 20? 4 children just died of starvation. About 15,996 more will die in the next 24 hours. What can we do? Well there are many, many things we can do with just our money--Compassion International, World Vision, Kids Against Hunger, Local church missionaries... You know what, you could even take part in going into the world and spreading the gospel to all nations. We can not, CAN NOT just sit in luxury (yes we ALL live very luxuriously) and think when we put our check in the plate or donate to United Way (which I do not support) or whatever charity calls our name that we are sacrificing. It may take a small sacrifice to do this for some, but hey is that what you want to give to God? A small sacrifice? I am pointing the finger at myself as well as preaching here. How can we sit around with a group of Christians and talk about our idols and then go home and do NOTHING about them? How can we hold our heads up?</span><br />
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<span style="color: black;">Most if not all missions through churches would be able to direct you in this. Ernie is about to leave for Haiti, as I blogged the other day, with a group from church. They are going to work at an orphanage we support near Port Au Prince. We plan to take the entire family there this year. (Don't freak out mom or dad-- Do not nay say or spread negativity!!) We will be sacrificing all we can to save this money (about $4,000). The girls are all for it. Olivia has started drinking water instead of juice to save in this capacity-- her idea! Talk about a sweet child's sacrifice. She also has offered up her money ($5.00 and change) in effort to help. The girls can not stop talking about it. </span><br />
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<span style="color: black;">My young cousin is about to go to Cambodia for 3 months. She suddenly changed her major as she realized these statistics. She is now in Mission studies at Lee University. She is an inspiration as a beautiful, young lady in her 20's giving up luxury and heading overseas. I know my cousin-- she is the stiletto queen! Now she is trading in those stilettos for I would guess, snake safe boots??? </span><br />
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My dear friend and her husband are about to sell their house and buy a smaller house half the cost of their current home and getting rid of a mortgage, after realizing how wealthy they were in comparison to the rest of the world. Now instead of funneling money into a mortgage they can give it away.<br />
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I will be blogging most likely from church or the library (well writing at home and saving to jump drive and taking post to Internet capable computer) about the ways we simplify and the effect it makes. You see, I am in the process of taking inventory of my life. What can I give up? Some things will be easier than others. I have this glaring conviction to give up my home Internet service. This alone would save about $1,000 per year. This sacrifice will be painful, like cutting off a limb. I am a little nervous about disconnecting the net. It is like ripping off the band aid. Gotta do it fast without thinking; just do it. The longer I think about it the harder it will be. I am excited about what else we can give up for God and His people. <br />
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(Oh yeah, I haven't hit Ernie with my idea of giving up the Internet yet... He is on his way home now...)<br />
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Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18022397450457675500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8136409514044232520.post-88526871169053285412011-01-07T16:38:00.000-05:002011-01-07T16:38:52.467-05:00Haiti boundPraise God for us! Our prayers have been answered and Ernie will be heading out for Haiti on Feb. 5th. The trip was first postponed due to the violence there and the danger involved with traveling directly through it. It was then on hold until this was no longer an issue. Next the trip was tentatively scheduled for THE only week Ernie would not be able to go. Imagine his disappointment and then multiply it by about 1000. When it was pretty definite that this was the time the group was going I began really lifting the whole trip and group and Ernie up to God. You know, before it was just a generic prayer (which can never be good) for their safety and efficiency and productivity... I started really telling God how (He already knew) this trip would be life changing for everyone involved and I really did not want Ernie to miss out on this. I prayed sincerely for God to work all things out for the good of His kingdom. The next night, the trip was set in stone for a different week. Now Ernie is going to Haiti.<br />
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Now, if only he could squeeze a few little girls from the orphanage into his jacket to bring home... :)Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18022397450457675500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8136409514044232520.post-17613541803445967832011-01-01T15:58:00.000-05:002011-01-01T15:58:42.070-05:00Our idea of fun is warped-- at least as it lines up with the Bible.So what do you want to do this year? I want to make a difference. I just think that our American idea of Christianity is not up to par with what Jesus intended. I want to draw nearer to Him and I want to lead others to Him as well. I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself when I get the sniffles, or when I can't afford a luxury I desire. You know how many people are dying every day from simple preventable diseases. You know how many people do not have access to a medical clinic, much less have the home and cell phone number of their doctor? The number of children dying everyday because they are starving is astounding? Yeah, yeah, you may think you have been hungry, but have you ever been close to death because of it?<br />
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What is sad is that the poorest of the poor in our country are loaded compared to many other countries. I am sitting in the top like 3.17% of the world's wealthiest people. Our family is number 190,434,783 on the world's wealth list (give or take a few for my estimations). That means that like 6 billion people fall behind us in the list. That does not make me proud. It makes me want to do something more. I have read of and hear of people downsizing and moving into smaller homes to rid themselves of a mortgage payment so they could give 50% of their income away. Wow, the $800 dollars a month spent on a mortgage would feed thousands of people in Haiti. How many clean water wells would that dig? There are babies who are dying from drinking nasty water-- adults too. You think this makes God smile on us fat and happy here in our mansions and luxurious living conditions? For some reason I see Him distraught as He has blessed us with so stinking much and we just say thanks and hold up our cups for more. Oh, we may give a little here and there, but how often have we given till it hurts? What we do is give just enough to make our consciences appeased. <br />
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We make excuses and say- God wants us to be happy. Really? He wants us to be happy, but wants millions to die from starvation and malnutrition? I don't think so. If we are to love our neighbors as much as we love ourselves shouldn't we give them as much as we give ourselves? Do we want God's leftovers? God loved us enough to give Himself-- His son-- part of who He was. We love Christ by giving what we have leftover after feeding ourselves, outfitting ourselves in the latest fashions and paying our steep mortgages. <br />
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I'm talking about me, but I bet you could fit yourself into this equation somewhere. It doesn't matter how much I give, it is not enough. It is not nearly to the extent God gave. Not that we could ever give what God gave, but if this is how we know what love is, and we are commanded to love one another, shouldn't we at least try? We have a way to pay off our mortgage. We do. I bet many of us have the ability to sell things and pay off our debt. It takes a lot of hope and faith and love to do it; the Bible says the greatest of these is love. It would take a lot of love to do this-- love for others. The Bible reminds us to store our treasures in heaven, so every time we collect another treasure on earth we sacrificed a treasure in heaven. I have lots of treasure here on earth-- apparently more than 96% of the world's population. What does that mean about where I stand in the lineup in heaven. The Bible says that the first on earth shall be the last in Heaven. So if this is Truth (and it is) then I am currently positioned behind 96% of the world's population in the line for heavenly treasure. Maybe, maybe not, but what if? Yes many, many of these people are headed for a Christless eternity so this bumps me up a few people in line-- dang just making this point is so ridiculous and disgusting... I am commanded to make disciples of these people and am not, do you think it makes me look better if they are not headed to Heaven? What I need to do is work my tail end off giving like never before and living the love I have for Christ. If I love Him I will do what He commands. Jesus said so. What more can I say?<br />
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It is a painful truth that we are falling way short of what Jesus desired of us. He said that from those who are given much, much will be required. Well I would say that we have been given so much more than much. What is required of us is much more than what we are giving. We will be held accountable for those we do not help. What if that baby-- those 26,000 people who died today from starvation were Jesus. How did we help Him? He said that for everyone of the least of these that we help we are helping Him-- loving Him. How many people did you love today? How many people did I love today? Not a single one as I hung out at the house making scarves with my girls for their doll babies. Yeah, we made scarves for the dolls while there are people out in the cold freezing. Our idea of fun is warped-- at least as it lines up with the Bible.Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18022397450457675500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8136409514044232520.post-431721693672597862010-12-31T10:42:00.000-05:002010-12-31T10:42:34.633-05:00What is it you are doing as an act of faith?I read a book last night that I have been wanting to read for a while. I have looked in our church library for it, tried to check out the Ipod version online at the library (since I got an Ipod for Christmas), and have just been waiting to find it and borrow it from somewhere. Yesterday we were at Lifeway and Ernie picked it up off the shelf and handed it to me, so we bought it. Last night I could not put it down. This book is a powerful reminder of what our lives should look like as Christians and a painful glimpse at what a lukewarm Christian looks like.<br />
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This book challenges the reader to stand in awe of God-- praising His holy and mighty name and marveling at His magnificence. The book is Crazy Love by Francis Chan. Chan makes a point that this incredibly enormous God who created everything in such a way that no one has an excuse not to see His glory, loves us enough to know everything about us. <span style="font-size: x-large;">HE</span> loves <span style="font-size: xx-small;">us</span>. In a crazy love sort of way He came here to die for us. If we know Him in this intimate capacity we will follow Him. He wants us to know Him this way and to love Him in such a remarkably radical way. This book (a great nudge after reading Radical by David Platt, which encourages the same evangelism) has made me ask myself a question just as Chan was asked in one of his classes in school. What am I doing right now that requires faith?<br />
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I posted this question on FB last night and have been thinking about it ever since. Chan tells the testimony of many Christians who have been transformed by Christ and taken the steps necessary to transform others lives through God. You know how they were brought up from the depths of sin and now they love so radically that they give up their lives and possessions to spread this love gracefully given to them to others. <br />
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Well, I have all the markings of the transformed life, but what am I doing to transform others by sharing this abounding love given freely to me when I never once deserved it, to others? What am I doing to spread the gospel of Christ to all the world and its nations? <br />
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As I live my comfortable and very wealthy life here in the USA, enjoy a choice of what's for dinner, have the privilege to go wherever I choose, freedom to worship openly, have a choice of which vehicle to drive when I go places, can afford to buy the book I read last night, I ask myself, what am I willing to give up to those who work an entire week to earn the amount I spent to buy a book I was finished with in less than 4 hours? <br />
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You know I could sit back and be affected by this book and wait till the opportunity arises and is laid on my lap with all of the instructions clearly defined and then make my move, or I could just make the opportunity for myself. The Bible says to go and do it (Go and make disciples of all nations baptising them...), not to sit and wait to be told again to do it. <br />
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So, now I am challenged and on a precipice and ready to get my feet muddy.<br />
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I don't know what God has planned for me, but what I really want to do is share what I have. What do I have? I have the love of Christ. I have a home. I have the means to support my children. I have a husband who is a great father, and wonderful husband. I have the desire to adopt, but not for the purpose of making our family bigger and better (which it would), but to give a child who has little chance to hear God's Word and live to spread it to others this chance-- a chance to have a Godly mother/ parents. Here is the crazy idea I have been thinking about. <br />
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Ernie and I have checked into adopting from Haiti, but as I have blogged in the past, we are not legal to adopt from there for I am too young. (Whoever thought at 33-- 34 in 18 days, I would be told I am too young to do something?) So here is my question I am looking for an answer to. What if Ernie and I were to bring over here to our homes children who are no longer at an age to adopt. You know 18 or 19 or so. What if we brought them here, made them a part of our families and taught them and sent them to college and gave them the chance that a child we could adopt would get years down the road? Is there a way to do this? You know I have really been affected by the tales of girls in orphanages being aged out of the orphanage only to end up on the streets selling themselves as their only means of support. These girls have no other way to live when at 13 they are tossed out to make room for the younger girls. This really is the case in many orphanages. I've heard one of these girls who was blessed to be adopted just before this happened in Russia, speak about her circumstances and how God answered her prayer for a family. Does this not break your heart. These kids are praying to God who they may not know fully, and because I just sit apathetically around, they are thrown out into the streets and are never given the Gospel. I could be the answer to their prayers and they could really see God in action. <br />
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I want to be the answer to prayer. I want to be used by God. I want to go into all nations and make disciples. I want to take my girls and teach them to do this very thing. My goal is not to raise Godly children, but to be a Godly mother and to spread the Gospel and teach my children to do the same thing. It is not enough to just want. Now is the time to do! As I do this and do all I can to sacrifice and give freely the love Christ has given me to my family, friends, enemies, neighbors, children, parents, husband... I will be living by faith.Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18022397450457675500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8136409514044232520.post-16535076401269349332010-12-26T10:09:00.000-05:002010-12-26T10:09:07.061-05:00Anything but thisI've been thinking a lot about the young girl Mary, the mother of God's son. You know we think about her every Christmas and about what she went through, but maybe only at Christmas. You know, I so want to learn from her experiences and her faithfulness. We should all learn from her. I don't mean make her an idol by any means. She is not to be worshipped any more than I should be or any other human being or man made object. What I mean is that this very young girl loved the Lord so much that when He told her that she was going to become pregnant as a virgin and she would give birth to His son she only questioned how (a very logical question for a virgin) and then accepted it. <br />
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She knew in her culture what this meant. There was a chance she could be put to death. There was a surety she would be shunned and thought of as a harlot. She would lose everyone's respect (for I imagine if she had pleased God so much to be chosen as the mother of Jesus she must have been a girl with pretty neat and respectable character). She would have to tell this story that would have to seem outrageous to her betrothed Joseph. She had to have thought of all of this, but she never complained or asked God to maybe choose someone else. She simply accepted it and praised God. <br />
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Next time God has directions for me or a job for me to do, I want to simply accept it and not argue or worry about all of the things that might make the job difficult. I want to praise God for who He is and trust that He is who He says He is. I don't want to miss out-- Look what Mary would have missed out on if she had argued with God, or requested of Him to not use her in <em>this</em> way, but maybe another way... She got to kiss baby Jesus' face. She got to cradle our savior. How many blessings have I missed out on for fear of what people would think or say about me if I did what God asked me to do? How many times have I said, "Lord, this is just not for me is there something else I could do? I would be willing to do something else for you, anything but this."<br />
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Mary simply accepted His plan and praised Him. She took time to remember all God had done in the past. She remembered His faithfulness, and in turn she kept her faith in Him. Help me, Lord to remember all You have done for me, all of the miraculous wonders You have placed in my life, all of Your words spoken to me in my distress or in my joy, all of Your faithfulness to my family and friends. Lord, as I remember these things, place in me the willingness to look beyond the world and it's criticism and see You smiling down on Your good and faithful servant. Let me hear the songs You sing over me as I follow You, not the unkind words of those who might try to deter me from Your path. You are the lamp and the light on my journey. Let me not look for alternate means of guidance. Lord Jesus, You are the way, the truth and my life. I can be assured I will come to the Father through You. You will give me all I need according to Your glorious riches. You will equip me to stand firm. You will counsel me as I need encouragement, heal me as I break or am broken, and You will advocate for me at the throne of God as I mess up. Lord God, I can come to You and have access to You directly because of Jesus. I know You hear my prayers and praises just as You heard Your servant Mary's.<br />
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Luke 1 46- 55<br />
Mary’s Song<br />
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And Mary said: <br />
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“My soul glorifies the Lord <br />
and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, <br />
for he has been mindful <br />
of the humble state of his servant. <br />
From now on all generations will call me blessed, <br />
for the Mighty One has done great things for me— <br />
holy is his name. <br />
His mercy extends to those who fear him, <br />
from generation to generation. <br />
He has performed mighty deeds with his arm; <br />
he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts. <br />
He has brought down rulers from their thrones <br />
but has lifted up the humble. <br />
He has filled the hungry with good things <br />
but has sent the rich away empty. <br />
He has helped his servant Israel, <br />
remembering to be merciful <br />
to Abraham and his descendants forever, <br />
just as he promised our ancestors.”Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18022397450457675500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8136409514044232520.post-30071894841972836052010-12-22T10:35:00.000-05:002010-12-22T10:35:24.813-05:00Our ChristmasChristmas is almost here!! Can you hear the excitement in my text? Well, it is there whether you hear it or not. We have so much planned, so many traditions, some new traditions with new friends, and we are going to see some family and very dear old friends. I think this Christmas may not ever go outdone for it feels like the top of the world. Tomorrow we begin-- well I say we begin, but really the girls have begun their Christmas with giving and serving a whole month ago when they gave up their birthday parties and instead hosted a Christmas shoebox packing party. Since then they have participated in packing food for Haitians, and shopped for angels on an angel tree, and shopped with our church family for some needy school kids. They have started our Christmas off with a big bang. Now we head into the celebration phase-- I guess you could call it that??? Tomorrow, we have dear friends joining us for a pre-Christmas dinner of turkey, dressing, sweet potatoes, and other yummies AND a special birthday cake for Jesus. Our pre-Christmas dinner will end in a birthday party for Jesus. Then on Christmas Eve Ernie said he was taking the girls shopping for me for Christmas. They are going to have a daddy and daughter shopping day-- Oh, to be a fly on the mall wall! That night we will be going to our church Christmas Eve service as we always do and worship Jesus as a family with our church family. <br />
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That brings us to the 25th. We have our traditions some created by Olivia and others passed down. As a kid my family always made sure we were up well before a normal morning to open gifts first thing. Well, the girls besides getting up way early, do open their gifts on Christmas morning. BUT not until after we have had our traditional Christmas breakfast. This started Olivia's first Christmas when she was only a few weeks old. Our breakfast always is centered around this delicious oatmeal pancake recipe I found during pregnancy in a magazine. While Ernie is making pancakes, the girls get to open their stockings. After breakfast the girls head to the Christmas tree and the one who finds the pickle on the tree (a German tradition we started a couple of years ago, but the pickle ornament is a staple on our tree as my family always had a pickle on our tree growing up) gets to go first and pass out the gifts. We always open one at a time taking turns in order to milk it and so we can see the girls open everything and enjoy their excitement. BUT before we open our gifts Olivia makes sure first we sing Happy Birthday to Jesus. This year, she wants us to stand in front of the tree, hold hands and shout Happy Birthday to Jesus. <br />
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For Christmas I get the day off cooking (for the most part). We have a big breakfast cooked by Ernie and then just have snacky or finger foods the rest of the day. I prepare them on the day before, and just have to bake the prepped food. We usually have cheese and crackers, fruit, nuts, sausage balls, pretzels... <br />
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This year I want to add another tradition. I want to take the girls to the movies. This year we are going to take the girls to see the movie Tangled. This is only like the third movie they have ever seen in a theater (well Olivia's, it may be Sarah's first). I think it would be a fun tradition, to go to the movies on Christmas day. We will see.<br />
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The day after Christmas, Ernie goes back to work (taking down decorations through the night), but the girls and I are going after church to my parents house where my sister and her family will be in and we will get to spend several days with them there. At some point I will get to visit with my brother and his family too. As an added bonus my best friend from my school years and my roomie in college is going to be at her parents house next door to my parents, so I will get to visit with her and her beautiful, growing family! <br />
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I think this Christmas is going to be tops! I wonder if it could get much better?<br />
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I want to wish everyone who reads this a Merry Christmas. Don't forget why we celebrate! It is a pivotal moment in our faith. God is with us. He came not as a king on a throne, but as a lowly babe born of a virgin girl and entered the world in the lowliest of circumstances. Born in a cow stall, visited by the recluse shepherds. HE came for this purpose. He came from His throne to be a servant; He humbled Himself in birth and lived this way till His death-- a death on a cross so that we would be reunited to His side. The fact that HE was born in such a way to fulfill all prophesies from hundreds of years prior to His coming means HE is who HE said HE was.Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18022397450457675500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8136409514044232520.post-76925166548263444662010-12-20T19:08:00.000-05:002010-12-20T19:08:58.716-05:00Don't wait for the opportune moment, create the opportune moment.I have another post to share about the girls and service work. Last week a very special and kind couple funded a Christmas shopping trip to buy for about 20 kids from a school in our community. There was a rough budget of $200 per kids. On Friday, the girls and I got to join in on the fun shopping. We were given 4 kids (3 girls and 1 boy). We started at about 10:30 at Toys-R-Us and at 12:30 we finally checked out and headed to Wal-Mart to buy the clothing items. <br />
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I want to brag on my girls. I explained to them what we were going to be doing that day and who we were buying for. I must say I was concerned about them whining because we were not buying for them or begging for toys too. This never happened. They had so much fun and spent almost a full $400 on the 4 kids. They had our cart to where it was overfull and we had to carry some of the toys. <br />
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When we got to Wal-Mart we started with the boy. We picked out items to clothe each from head to toe. When we finally finished our kids list and spent the limit, we headed to find the rest of our group. At this point my feet were killing me (for I was in high heeled shoes), but I hadn't said as much. I knew the girls were tired, but they never once complained. As we headed to the front, Olivia said and I'll quote her, "Mommy, we have been shopping for a really long time and my feet hurt."<br />
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When we found a few others from our group, I found out that it was after 2:30. The girls had not eaten and had not once complained that they were hungry. I felt awful for not realizing and feeding them. I bought them some chips, peanuts and M&M's and they sat down with a whole line of our groups carts in a closed aisle and ate their picnic (or junknic) lunch. We were there for another hour before we finally finished up the trip. All together we had 14 full carts of clothes, shoes, socks... for 20 kids. <br />
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Today, the girls got to experience something that many people who do this kind of thing do not get to experience. Today,they got to watch as all of these kids got to open some of the presents and receive a huge garbage bag full of wrapped presents to take home for Christmas. They got to actually witness the smiles and excitement of these boys and girls receiving their gifts. <br />
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We met the 4 kids we shopped for and the girls were so sweet. I have to share this with you. Olivia went up to one of the girls and asked her about her baby doll. Then she said (again I'll quote her), "You know, Jesus loves you." It was classic Olivia. Jump right to the chase-- don't wait for the opportune moment, create the opportune moment. <br />
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I am so pleased with my girls and how they love to give. I really think this is one of the most important things for me to teach the girls. I want them to learn to share with others. Most importantly share the love of Jesus with others. Today, I got to watch my two very young girls witness 20 other children in heaps of presents and not once did they ask for a present or think they should get one too. They never once had any hint of jealousy or greed. They were so excited for the other kids there was not room for them to even think about themselves. I'm telling you what, I am a proud mommy!<br />
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I hope you will enjoy the pictures I took.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMuaqEvPfzF4GLYUVosivqJ_tf1ipiqjPmj1MpkpjypHtS-rYcEWgV9jozl48p5iznTrPrnc6qXIoToIjHGlnXtx64cOD34kzAzjs623rm5m-wZftyt7srnkw2zkWDQwYjx7-3570Lf9SH/s1600/christmas+giving+043.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMuaqEvPfzF4GLYUVosivqJ_tf1ipiqjPmj1MpkpjypHtS-rYcEWgV9jozl48p5iznTrPrnc6qXIoToIjHGlnXtx64cOD34kzAzjs623rm5m-wZftyt7srnkw2zkWDQwYjx7-3570Lf9SH/s320/christmas+giving+043.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18022397450457675500noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8136409514044232520.post-37551253519548408212010-12-14T04:53:00.000-05:002010-12-14T04:53:31.106-05:00For my friends who are mourning this season.I have a several friends who have lost loved ones this Christmas season. I don't profess to identify with you at all. Somehow, I have been shielded from this level of grief. I am awake tonight and have been since about 3am thinking very sincerely about you, my dear friends. I have been praying for you my darlings.<br />
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I have a friend who has just lost a granddaughter who was only a few weeks old. I only saw pictures, but she was the tiniest, most precious angel you ever saw. She had a genetic disorder and her little body just couldn't hold up. Now the loss of this darling girl is immense for her parents, grandparents and all who loved her.<br />
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I have another friend who has just lost a brother. A brother who was very close to her. My friends heart aches with unspeakable sadness over her loss.<br />
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I know I have other friends who have lost this season too and who may have lost in the past during this season and the holidays always bring with them sadness.<br />
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I am not writing this to try to talk anyone out of their mourning. There are no words that can or should do this. I know people mean well when they try to tell you how your loved one is in a better place, or any number of other well meaning words. I just wanted to share my prayers for you tonight.<br />
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As I was praying for you tonight during my nightly 3am- 5am prayer time, I had some scripture I was praying and I wanted to get up now, at 4:30am and share this with you before I went back to sleep. The first thing I would like to share is literally the shortest verse in the Bible. Jesus wept. All who know the Bible know this verse. As I was praying for your comfort and praying the scriptures that tell us about how when we die we are like the angels and praying, "Blessed are those who mourn for they WILL be comforted", and praying that your grief will turn to joy as Jesus promises in John 16, and trying so hard to remember God's Word on this, the Holy Spirit reminded me of the time when His friends had suffered the loss of a dear brother. It was his friend Lazarus who died, and Martha and Mary his sisters were suffering from his death.<br />
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Now when Jesus arrived on the scene of Lazarus tomb, He knew what He was going to do. He did not try to comfort these women with words of encouragement of about how He was going to give him new life, or how He can fix the problem by raising him back to life, nor did He try to talk them out of their mourning... no, you know what He did. He cried with them. Their loss and grief was enough to make Him cry because He loved them so deeply.<br />
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Now, tonight I am crying with you my friends. I want you to know that the Holy Spirit is crying with you as well. Nothing can stop the pain your are feeling for you loved deeply. It only shows how badly we need Jesus. It reminds us why we long for the place where we will mourn no more. A place called heaven. Until we get there we have an advocate here who has been in our shoes and has suffered the pain of a lost loved one. He is here to cry with us until He literally is able to wipe every tear from our eyes. Tonight be comforted by the fact you are not grieving alone. He is with you and crying beside you. You loved deeply, but don't forget you are loved deeply as well!Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18022397450457675500noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8136409514044232520.post-65113231138276851892010-12-13T11:15:00.000-05:002010-12-13T11:15:58.107-05:00God truly blessed them with patience and talent!Last night was our preschool and elementary Christmas program at church. I'll be honest with you, it is my fault it is so snowy for I prayed very hard for the snow. Honestly, I was terrified it would be a disaster. I had reassured everyone who said the 2-K group's practice was chaotic with a smile, but in the back of my mind I was really worried. I would have never let on that I was concerned for they were working really hard at herding this chaos through about three months worth of Sundays. We had fights and wrestling matches on stage, kids running around everywhere, ZERO attention span... you name it it probably happened at at least one practice. Trying to get 2 and 3 year old kids to pay attention for about 25 minutes is next to impossible-- at least pay attention in an organized way. Our practice bounced all over the church from classrooms, to the sanctuary, to the old gym... nothing was really consistent other than the teachers involved. I really was worried about not getting everyone together to go through the whole program as a rehearsal. I foresaw a mess and really felt I would let down parents and teachers and the kids. I could not see how this program was going to bring glory to God.<br />
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Um well, as the time neared and I had the stage all set and the snow began to really pile up, I began to call off the snow (well, you know what I mean-- pray off my original prayer)! Somehow, I got the feeling that the program was going to be OK. The little kids that morning in costume were so cute that there was no way it could be bad. They could stand on stage and scream and it would have been adorable. At about 30 minutes before people were supposed to arrive, I started getting a couple of calls about bad roads and a few who were not going to attempt to get out. At about 5 minutes till, no one other than about three of us were there and I began to think that the program was going to fail for lack of participants. Then at 5:00, just about everyone showed up. They dressed and it was a room filled with energy. I was a nervous wreck. I wasn't even doing anything but organizing it and the reception afterward. Let me tell you the parents were amazing. They came even in all of that mess of snow and were so awesome in cheering on the kids with camera flashes and applause. The program was amazing. It was perfect. It was a God thing! It had to be because it wasn't me. The teachers who rehearsed with the kids and led the kids in this play were great! They worked so hard. God truly blessed them with patience and talent! <br />
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I am like a new mom when I think about my kids at BCCC. They are why I LOVE my job. They always make any work or volunteering on my part worth it. As I see them and they come hug me and smile when they see me... it is like instant gratification. Funny how God gave me this desire and now fulfills it every week! It doesn't matter how down or discouraged I get, on Sunday morning when I see the kids, all of that goes out the window and once again God is faithful to the desires of my heart. He put them there, why would I doubt He would fulfill them. <br />
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Now, I pray that I will have no more doubts. God's plan is just that-- God's plan. Not mine. I can do what I can to facilitate it, but it is not mine and it is not my efforts that make it successful. Only God could cause the kids to worship Him with music and dancing when their leader can't dance or carry a tune and is totally embarrassed as the parents peer in the window and as the other teachers participate! I'm telling you what, our worship time in the pre-K is a blast for me too. It doesn't matter that my part of the logistics of kids and coats and transitions and pick up are all a little funky and unorganized-- God is just smiling at the least of us singing and dancing praise to Him. He could care less about the hunt for coats and the noise in the halls, and the fact that some teachers are still needed-- The point is this-- that the kids praise Him and hear Biblical truths. That is His main priority. Mine too now! I just need to loosen up, stop worrying and fretting and taking everything so personally. It is not my program, it is His and what He wills, nothing will stop-- not even nasty weather and an unorganized, unskilled, wacko of a leader.Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18022397450457675500noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8136409514044232520.post-23485082875696675192010-12-11T20:26:00.001-05:002010-12-13T20:13:46.020-05:00Kids Against HungerHere are some sobering facts. Every 6 seconds, 1 child dies from starvation. 14,400 children die from starvation, malnutrition or hunger related and preventable diseases <span style="font-size: x-large;">each day</span>. These statistics come from the web site <a href="http://www.kidsagainsthunger.org/">Kids Against Hunger</a> check it out after you read about what the girls and I were blessed to participate in today with BCCC and others from the community. <br />
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<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Today, in 2 shifts, around 300 or so people from Sarah's age up to seniors citizens gathered in the gym at BCCC to pack meals for Kids Against Hunger. These meals consisted of rice, soy, veggies and a vitamin mixture (<a href="http://www.kidsagainsthunger.org/whats_in_it.shtml">click here for the exact specifications</a>). These seemingly small bags (390 grams) contain 6 meals or feed 6 people. By our overindulged standards, it is not much food-- about one cup of cooked casserole for each person. During the 2 hours we packed in our shift there were about 150 people and we packed almost 23,000 meals and for the day I think the grand total was 41,000 meals (which exceeded our goal of 40,000). These meals we packed are specifically going to the area around Port-au-Prince Haiti via our very own missionary from BCCC Paul Clark. The organization has sent meals to over 60 countries. Each meal costs approximately 23 cents. Imagine being able to feed nearly a <span style="color: red;">quarter</span> million people for about $50,000. This is the cost of an extravagant wedding feast and celebration here in the tri-cities for maybe 400 people if that. Let me say that again in case you skimmed over it-- 250,000 thousand or one <span style="color: red;">quarter (oops had a typo here!)</span> million people can be fed a nutritional meal and fill their empty bellies for about what one indulged wedding costs. I will not go into the costs of some Hollywood weddings.</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Each team was an assembly line from the caller who called out ingredients to each person at each ingredient, to the person with the scale, the person with the extra bucket of rice in case it was more or less than the 350grams, the sealer who sealed the bags and the person who handed it to us at the very end of the line. Olivia was the brain in the operation. She stacked it up and kept count till we had all 36 then we passed it on the the man with the box and he packed it up then we started counting the next 36 bags. We, according to Olivia's calculations, stuffed 9 boxes. </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
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</div>Sarah started off helping where we were then she found a job that better suited her-- delivering empty boxes and then cleaning up spilled rice.<br />
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</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiklR-ki3NerYCgMytNPjJVjiR2S8IQrwsQWawoWKWnbAb_G5kLvAx_9FkzVRt0AcuvnT-MSzhG_z3SoslaZg8HXAphTsqMJcAz9tkoXw4SSJa83Gp4aaSEF9H5AO5W5OWpw7KyGvmjaM1g/s1600/IMG_20101211_092934%255B1%255D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiklR-ki3NerYCgMytNPjJVjiR2S8IQrwsQWawoWKWnbAb_G5kLvAx_9FkzVRt0AcuvnT-MSzhG_z3SoslaZg8HXAphTsqMJcAz9tkoXw4SSJa83Gp4aaSEF9H5AO5W5OWpw7KyGvmjaM1g/s320/IMG_20101211_092934%255B1%255D.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQqOx0IJGj_hRjOI-21F_wk6t59SNXBGSfi9fjRyPBoEupmemwbaFzze2T4OkU6hyphenhyphendED1AviHZiivejLii5ou0xkU7GwlvD5vilfBhsJwg-yU-xf09bDuVJ0ZY5fIfI5hC1oXizTh1C66z/s1600/IMG_20101211_095742-1%255B1%255D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQqOx0IJGj_hRjOI-21F_wk6t59SNXBGSfi9fjRyPBoEupmemwbaFzze2T4OkU6hyphenhyphendED1AviHZiivejLii5ou0xkU7GwlvD5vilfBhsJwg-yU-xf09bDuVJ0ZY5fIfI5hC1oXizTh1C66z/s1600/IMG_20101211_095742-1%255B1%255D.jpg" /></a></div> We were on the news-- not that I saw it.<br />
<div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNmJ0LoF3rGgjtQ6kOJ2GAa_dqnG1rxByg2MqezwrqFz2KkKQSU4GTzAmq2d5D0GEhesb59roeuV2cz8DbUNe9YsZcLXvOQzupK6XaPEym_vWMeRae44CJ7L9L84N75vxZUZOra_iGQsbS/s1600/IMG_20101211_094502-1%255B1%255D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNmJ0LoF3rGgjtQ6kOJ2GAa_dqnG1rxByg2MqezwrqFz2KkKQSU4GTzAmq2d5D0GEhesb59roeuV2cz8DbUNe9YsZcLXvOQzupK6XaPEym_vWMeRae44CJ7L9L84N75vxZUZOra_iGQsbS/s1600/IMG_20101211_094502-1%255B1%255D.jpg" /></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"> Olivia and Sarah with the missionary! Paul Clark. He is about to leave for Haiti and live at the orphanage for a year if not longer. This is our preacher's son. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi58utRcguKX1yAfhlhJXGImtSbfZvnG_etJusFIDZ12YQI_NId2SIWwbc6lOOtPOPvm1kead32Mep1dkz7fKE6OByBhWhAwbHVGSHyW42f2TkxHFT9UMTyQVEOvpj51HmIba_sOy5RvHWf/s1600/IMG_20101211_093823%255B1%255D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi58utRcguKX1yAfhlhJXGImtSbfZvnG_etJusFIDZ12YQI_NId2SIWwbc6lOOtPOPvm1kead32Mep1dkz7fKE6OByBhWhAwbHVGSHyW42f2TkxHFT9UMTyQVEOvpj51HmIba_sOy5RvHWf/s320/IMG_20101211_093823%255B1%255D.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
Our team! Everyone got to have their own job in the assembly line! Notice, as I did, all of the smiles! It was a beautiful thing.<br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTcXDORAdiULcIE-5jSqlME0dvUjhuHjngsJ3wPyoRDBN3Np50q9nqyvUO3SQ0LcwnjaAXGLpr512qwmPQAOB8_eeoKrYsfCkKlW5a-AlLP0-WQhAUa-Al8HUracs9L7w4Ne-p06IsrSeX/s1600/IMG_20101211_102816%255B1%255D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTcXDORAdiULcIE-5jSqlME0dvUjhuHjngsJ3wPyoRDBN3Np50q9nqyvUO3SQ0LcwnjaAXGLpr512qwmPQAOB8_eeoKrYsfCkKlW5a-AlLP0-WQhAUa-Al8HUracs9L7w4Ne-p06IsrSeX/s320/IMG_20101211_102816%255B1%255D.jpg" width="320" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRSJGFgBzuzHxczWvDCmsOsHQzsfNVHkdamor45JCahgdDd-A1bA4enW-YFMq08EBvKqNvB2TwOJEoEmMntVQSiJE4MaceaXgK575NU1zFVsrAW82e3fHbVLaYfOZcBGTF8Y7neW8UJVnM/s1600/IMG_20101211_102759-1%255B1%255D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRSJGFgBzuzHxczWvDCmsOsHQzsfNVHkdamor45JCahgdDd-A1bA4enW-YFMq08EBvKqNvB2TwOJEoEmMntVQSiJE4MaceaXgK575NU1zFVsrAW82e3fHbVLaYfOZcBGTF8Y7neW8UJVnM/s1600/IMG_20101211_102759-1%255B1%255D.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiU0c8m-G0Y_GcsyxY2hy58X7wKSn9KYv1qbcbz_nKBSZyYYwNMHI-9GfwmKEVf67xHVrfrvp6m56FIAcAMg4OQzTCIz16VUXpBEvQpQ_f-cM-c4cs0QxQ5Yhy9TjdvN5_T22izJfOHdZt2/s1600/VID_20101211_102937%255B1%255D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiU0c8m-G0Y_GcsyxY2hy58X7wKSn9KYv1qbcbz_nKBSZyYYwNMHI-9GfwmKEVf67xHVrfrvp6m56FIAcAMg4OQzTCIz16VUXpBEvQpQ_f-cM-c4cs0QxQ5Yhy9TjdvN5_T22izJfOHdZt2/s1600/VID_20101211_102937%255B1%255D.jpg" /></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;">I saw Sarah doing this job (cleaning up spilled rice) and after a while I asked some of the adults what she was doing with the rice when she swept it up. None of them knew or had paid attention, so I snuck up on her and watched her to see what she was doing. She swept it into a nice neat pile, and then picked it up with her hands and placed it on the dust pan. Then she carefully stood up and watched it the whole time as she walked it all the way across the gym to the kitchen. All the while dodging through the crowd, then she dumped it in the trash. It was the cutest thing I have seen. I was very glad to see that she did not dump it in the rice bin with the rice refills. I would have been mortified.</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div>Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18022397450457675500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8136409514044232520.post-65772199320224175682010-12-09T15:28:00.000-05:002010-12-09T15:28:38.619-05:00Off my rockerI was recently asked a very derogatory question. It was meant to put me in my place. I was asked, "What planet are you from?" I was also told I was off my rocker and was not realistic. It was not the first time I have been asked these types of questions or put "down" as so. The funny thing is that I take these questions and phrases as a sort of confirmation to my faith. I take them as huge compliments. Now how on earth you may ask can I take these as compliments? Well, I can't wait to point out what the Bible says.<br />
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First of all, let me preface to you what the reasoning behind the verbal attacks generally involve. Usually I am thinking way too big. Sometimes, I think way too big of myself in areas where I am not led by the Holy Spirit and trusting in my own abilities -- like claiming to be able to decorate 400 cupcakes in a few hours (my style of decorating which is nothing less than architecture and not just squeezing on the frosting.) In those cases I usually am off my rocker! :) But other times it is when I choose to follow His lead and take the small step I know how to take and allow Christ to do the rest and perform miracles. <br />
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Here is where I take my confidence. I believe with all my heart that what God wills to do, He will do. He will defeat all odds, cross all boundaries, breech all limits when it is His plan. So, I have faith that when He tells me to do something, so long as I simply say, "Yes Lord", He will make sure He gets glory for the job well done. I was reminded of this by Priscilla Shirer at Deeper Still that "What God sanctifies, there is no limit to what God can do with it." This is especially true when "One is radically obedient to God." <br />
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So, I claim the scriptures that tell me His power is made perfect in my weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). If I can't do it alone, He can make sure His power supplies me with all I need according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19). As I in my weakness deal with those judging me by that weakness, I can stand firm in the power supplied by abiding in Christ (2 Corinthians 13:4-5). My prayer for those who doubt is this, that they may be filled with the Holy Spirit and made powerful by His indwelling (Ephesians 3:16).<br />
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Now getting to the Biblical reason to be glad to be told I am from another planet. <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1 Peter+2:10-12&version=NASB">1 Peter 2:10-12</a>. I am not from this world. My home is not here on earth and I am an <strong>alien</strong> in a foreign land. I am to abstain from the fleshly lusts of this world. Isn't selfishness and self worship what caused the fall, so I would presume it is the number one lust of human flesh. Our desire to "do it myself", exalt myself through my own abilities, obtain recognition for a job well done, seek man's approval for God's ordained task, proving myself by what man thinks and not God alone... So when someone who thinks like this tries to tempt me into this way of thinking all I can do is stand firm in my faith that even though I cannot accomplish anything to bring glory to God, HE can use me. He can and will supply me with all I need.Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18022397450457675500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8136409514044232520.post-18699908887254876772010-12-07T21:47:00.000-05:002010-12-07T21:47:20.837-05:00Not a hoof will be left behind as I ABAD God!I have a confession. I wrote in my Bible this week! I underlined a scripture that really, really hit me hard as a Word from God. OK, remember when I blogged about not ever writing in my Bible... This first for me was so profound I cried as I did it. So yeah that may sound stupid to you, but it is just a real first for me. The words I underlined were here: Exodus 10:26 Our livestock too must go with us; <u>not a hoof is to be left behind.</u> We have to use some of them in worshiping the LORD our God, and until we get there we will not know what we are to use to worship the LORD.” So you may ask, "What is so important about those 8 words?" Well I'll explain and maybe you too will find the verse and underline it.<br />
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All through this book we read about God bringing His people out of bondage. Now isn't this what He wants for us as well-- to bring us out of bondage? Anyhow, if you read through this book, God tells Pharaoh exactly why He want His people free. He wants them free not because He loves them, or because they are special, or because they have a goal He wants them to accomplish... He wants them free so they can worship Him. Now there are several Hebrew words for worship: <br />
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A. Hebrew word shachah - <strong>"bowing down before an object of honor"</strong><br />
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Neh. 8:6 - Israelites "bowed low and worshipped the Lord"<br />
Ps. 95:6 - "let us worship and bow down"<br />
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B. Hebrew word abad - <strong>"service or work for God"</strong><br />
Deut. 6:13 - "fear the Lord your God and worship Him"<br />
Ps. 2:11 - "Worship the Lord with reverence"<br />
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C. Hebrew word segid - <strong>"showing respect" or "doing homage"</strong><br />
Dan. 3:5-18 - "worship the golden image"<br />
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During our morning devotions with Kelly Minter at Deeper Still on Saturday she pointed this out. She also pointed out (and I have researched to make sure!) that the word used in Exodus in the instances where God tells Pharaoh to let His people go so that they may worship Him in the wilderness is the word abad. He wants them to serve and work for Him not for whom holds them in bondage (Pharaoh). You see God knew that they could not abad Him while they were in slavery-- they could not serve two masters.<br />
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So God told Pharaoh to let His people go so that they may work for and serve Him instead. Now Pharaoh I imagine would have understood this (maybe not). As we read about these encounters with Pharaoh and Moses and God, we read that Pharaoh tries to control God's people even in allowing them to abad God. BUT God says no. First Pharaoh says that they can go, but puts a leash on them and says they cannot go too far. He also tries to limit them by allowing only the men to go and finally all but the livestock. Here God puts His foot down. He says NO! I want my people to abad me with all they possess. Not a hoof is to be left behind. <br />
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Get that? Get the importance of these 8 words in our lives? Not a hoof is to be left behind. God wants us out of the bondage to sin and he doesn't want a hoof left behind. He wants all we have, think, feel, desire to be with us as we commit to abad Him. He wants us to serve and work for Him and Him alone, and not just on certain days or in certain places, and not with all but a few items we leave behind, and not with just our brothers in Christ, no, but with all we have and are, and in every place we go; we are not to go back. <br />
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So this verse is pinnacle as we follow Christ in service to God. Maybe you can say, yeah I already do that and this verse is not that relevant to me, but I cannot. I know I do hold back. I hold back often times if not all times with a spirit of fear. What will people think, who will I offend, what will this cost, how could I do that with my limitations, how do I know this is the right thing to do...?<br />
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So from now on, not a hoof will be left behind!Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18022397450457675500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8136409514044232520.post-59006581093493840092010-12-06T23:03:00.000-05:002010-12-06T23:03:42.147-05:00I carry no tunes in my bucket only a salty mess!I have come to a conclusion-- a semi-painful one at that. Well first, have you ever noticed that most people in ministry positions are multi-talented. You know I have never met a minister in about any capacity who cannot sing, play the guitar or quote scripture from memory like it it was the easiest thing to do? My conclusion is a little bit difficult. I can't sing. Um... nope not even a little. Don't play an instrument-- well not in like 20 years at least, I used to be pretty good at the clarinet and base clarinet... And I cannot quote scripture. I can remember snippets of what I have read, and generally can sum up what I remember, but I usually feel pretty foolish for I can't find it, remember where I've read it nor remember it closely enough to look it up in a concordance or on biblegateway.com. <br />
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On my way home from Birmingham I prayed so deeply for a gift I can use to bless God. You know a beautiful singing voice, the ability to write music and a new song, a poem, a talent He can enjoy... something. You know I sang at the top of my lungs to my new Travis Cotrell CD on the way home and I think my voice only got worse. If this isn't a painful answer to prayer wait till you hear the answer I got. Of course as I worshiped with my singing, as bad as is is, I truly praised God. I found myself in the midst of worship with tears streaming down my face (as is so common for me-- and is the <strong>whole</strong> reason I NEVER wear mascara to any function I expect to meet Jesus, which is pretty much everywhere. Funny enough on the off occasion I do wear it, Jesus finds me anyhow and of course my mascara runs down my face.) <br />
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This being said here is what God showed me in this instance and flat out told me. It seemed very weird to me as He said it and I am sure it will be even weirder to you for you did not hear Him say it and at least have that to cling to... He told me the way I blessed Him and my gift to Him were my tears. What? Any old baby can cry I thought. But He pointed out that my tears ran from my heart. My tears were how my soul worshiped Him. He has collected my tears in His hands for years and has cherished them. Mostly in the past my tears were kept very private, but the more I desire Jesus the more freely and unashamedly my tears flow. Now I do still try to hide them at say... staff meeting, but some of my co-workers are catching on. I try to conceal them in worship service at church, but I have a very hard time coming up with different ways to "scratch my eyes" or "fix my hair". I have even taken to chew gum and bite my tongue (believe it or not the pain helps to change the course of my emotions.)<br />
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You know what, in doing this I have been burying my talents so to speak. I have been holding back my arrows (2 Kings 13:18). I found myself thinking about this and traveling back to Deeper Still and our Saturday morning session with Priscilla Shirer. She was telling the story of how right before Elisha's death the king came terrified of how he was going to make it without the prophet there with Him. Elisha was demonstrating that as long as the king would take what little He had and had full faith, that God would fill the gaps and make him more than victorious that he would be successful in his battle against the Arameans. The king sort of used what little he had, but he saved back part of it for just in case. In return, God would only fill part of the gap. He would be victorious for the three arrows he shot into the ground. He gave three and so he would get three victories from God. Elisha pointed out that had he given more or maybe even all he had, he would have gotten more or all in return from God. <br />
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So, as I hold back the tears that fall from a heart filled with love for Jesus and <strong>ALL</strong> of His people (or animals, or the world's injustices and Satan's offenses...) as I hold these back from fear of what others will think or fear of what will happen to my make-up or fear of being exposed as a weirdo (which I am-- even my sister thinks so, but I have great scripture to share in the future on why this is a GREAT thing...) I am holding back what God gave to me to use for Him. A heart of love. I once had a friend tell me that tears come often when you love people. I mean true love-- not the "I love people" kind of resume bologna. Here is a bit of an email my old high school friend DeWayne Howard sent me: "Remember that when we love others, we make ourselves vulnerable..."<br />
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I have little to offer but a salty response to a love I feel. So I plan to give Him all I have. I expect that the Holy Spirit will fill the gaps and sing my desperately longed for song to God for me. So as my friends, please cheer me on as I use what little I have to offer without fear of it being too little or ineffective in bringing glory to God.<br />
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I plan to remember this as I step into whatever plan God is making for me that I feel otherwise inadequate to be successful in glorifying Him. I trust that He will fill the gaps as I take the baby step I know how to take, and I will know full well He will carry me (or throw me) the rest of the way. Either way, painful or not, I will get there and will bring glory to God for my obedience and full surrender of all of my with-holdings. "Not a hoof will be left behind, Exodus 10:26". <br />
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I can't wait to tell you what I learned about that scripture!Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18022397450457675500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8136409514044232520.post-68313350962175326712010-12-05T23:19:00.000-05:002010-12-05T23:19:44.395-05:00My date with God.Here I am sitting in the lobby of the Embassy Suites in Birmingham AL awaiting check-in and <u>Deeper Still</u>. I am on a date with the most amazing gentleman ever- my date with God, which I have been preparing for, and mentally and hopefully awaiting since I booked the trip in January. I arrived way early by most people’s standards and in what would typically be my standard. I usually hate to waste time and what could I better do with my time from 10:30 am Eastern time to now 2:37 pm Central time than sitting in a hotel lobby unable to check in early for a failing computer system at the hotel and a general check in time of 3:00 pm CST. So many people would wonder why I left Chattanooga this morning to arrive to this day of waiting, sitting and fasting (for I just did not want to stop my time alone with God to eat.) <br />
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As I sat here I finished the book Radical by David Platt. This book, I must say is one of the most challenging books for my faith as a Christian that I have ever read. It challenges Christianity as we know it living the American dream and what actual radical Christianity looks like and was intended through the teaching of Jesus. It is a difficult book to read for it hits home and strikes so many nerves it is painful to read. What other book have I read that points out that I alone with my meager part time income (even without Ernie’s) am wealthier than 84% of the rest of the world and that thousands of children will die of starvation as I write this post. Thousands more adults will die and enter a Christ less eternity as I write. If you are unaffected by these numbers then I want to share one more number with you. 4.5 billion people in the world do not know Christ and over a billion have never even been introduced. This doesn’t even take into account the number of people carrying the name of Christ and do not actually know Him. So what are we to do about this? Read the book and it challenges you in a number of ways. <br />
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As I sat here reading the book I came across some scripture that hit home in such a way that I have to try to describe. First I must share a story. <br />
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Yesterday on my drive between Johnson City and Knoxville, I witnessed a terrible thing. Now before I tell you, I want you to remember (if you knew to begin with) that I am an advocate for the sanctity of all life and usually am drawn to the lessers and the lowers (for example-- I do think that Charlie Brown’s tree was perfect and chose one as mine and Ernie’s first Christmas tree our first Christmas together.) As I was driving at a safe distance behind a pick-up truck, I watched as a small cat darted across the interstate and I gasped for I knew what was about to happen. As the truck hit the cat I cried out “Oh, no!” I watched as the cat severely injured, scramble to get off the interstate without the use of it back legs and I noticed as I passed that it had all but knocked off the cats hind legs. As you can imagine (if you know me at all) I was sobbing at this point and trying not to worry my concerned daughters. I am in tears just recalling this story. All I could think about was this injured cat sitting on the side of the road suffering. I prayed over my thoughts of this cat and actually prayed scripture. I recalled God’s promise that not a sparrow falls to the ground without him knowing. I prayed for the cats... well it is beside the point what exactly I prayed for and is too horrible to continue thinking about. My thoughts immediately went to if I was so distraught over this cat that what stronger feelings God must have for me. Then I left those thoughts and went on my journey with a deep sadness for this cat. <br />
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Back to Radical... As I read the book there were a handful of scripture Platt used, but in one section he used this scripture that I had prayed over the cat. It made me think about how if I could have such strong feelings over this stupid cat, then how much more love and grief could God have over me? Funny thing is that when my sister arrived at the hotel, I had to tell her all about the book, tell her what I just told you about the cat and the scripture references and then we went to dinner (at the Cheesecake Factory I have to add!) Later that night we heard Kay Arthur speak—the wisest of women and a true Proverbs 31 woman. WOW! Anyways, she was speaking to us about God’s love for us and taught the WHOLE book of Matthew in about an hour or so and mentioned the sparrow scripture as a reference to God’s love. Here it was the third time that this scripture had been spoken in this same day in much unrelated occurrences but very similar context. It was God adoring me and sharing His affections toward me on our date. Now don’t take that as the highlight of the weekend. I got to adore and worship Him too. <br />
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You know like the steps of a date with you and your spouse? 1- The car ride to the date and the excited conversation about what all you expect to do and get out of your date. And step 2- doing something together to make a treasured memory and step 3- coming home and worshipping one another (so to speak) and step 4- intimate pillow talk.<br />
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So after some amazing worship time and 2 days of teaching (good sound Biblical teaching I will share with you in another post) much of which just built on the challenges presented in the book Radical which I had just finished, Beth Moore introduced a special guest who would pray over us 13,900 women as we left the conference. It just so happened to be David Platt author of Radical. It was God signing His name to the bottom of this treasure creating its authenticity.<br />
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I can’t describe the intimacy between God and me on our way back to Jonesborough. I was so entangled in worship and praise that I missed several phone calls. I did some serious prayer and thanksgiving for the date and for how He treated me with such love. He is THE perfect gentleman and the perfect date.Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18022397450457675500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8136409514044232520.post-31094253619024777952010-12-01T15:06:00.000-05:002010-12-01T15:06:52.330-05:00Creation debates.Ernie and I were talking the other day about the Bible. I love it when we get into one of our deep discussions on the Bible and I cherish the knowledge and wisdom we receive from God when we do this. The other day we were talking about how so many Christians argue over stuff of the Bible and I must say how grieved the Lord must be by this. I am pretty sure He never intended His Word to become the tool many use to divide themselves. The Bible does point out that families will be divided over the Truth (Matthew 10) but I am for certain that when divisive talk/actions are directed brother against brother over the Bible and not even actual written Truths only perceived knowledge... It has to grieve the Holy Spirit who is ready to open us up to His wisdom if we can only shut up.<br />
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There is a major debate in the theological world over creation verses evolution. Now I do not think any of these thinkers in this particular debate question the relevance of God in the story. The question and conflict all revolve around the how. Now many times I have written about how "how" is NOT important. The who is important. I have never eluded to what exactly I believe. Today you will get some insight on my thoughts, but no definition. I just want to share what Ernie and I discussed and what we realized the Bible does not say. How many questions are being "answered" by the theologians or well meaning believers which really have little Biblical support . <br />
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One big question is the age of the earth. I for one do not read the millions of years to my kids when it is written in books for this is usually stated as fact, but there is no fact on exactly how old the earth is. I believe it was created a short time ago in the realm of the millions of years argument. Here is my question for those answering questions and telling us <u>exactly</u> how old the earth is or is not (and I want a Biblical answer): How old did God make the earth and/or how old was Adam when he was made? We know God made Adam a man not a baby so was he 18, or 30, or 500, or 1000 years old. The Bible does say how old Adam was when he died, but did this aging begin when he actually started aging or at his creation when he would not have been growing older (isn't aging a gradual encroachment on death). How old was the earth then at its creation? 1 year old, or 500,000,000 years old? So the age of the earth I do not think will ever be answered by humans. It may be billions of years old. It may be older than that.<br />
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Another question is how did man coexist with dinosaurs if the animals were made the same day as people? Well, where did God place Adam? Was he out in the world or secluded in a perfect little Eden? We do not know how long Adam and Eve lived in this perfect garden. We do know that at the fall when Eve was cursed with painful childbirth that in order for this to have meant a hill of beans to her as a curse, she would have had to experience painless childbirth so how many babies had she had painlessly? 1 baby or 5,000 or ??? Maybe none, but who really knows? So we do not know how long they had lived in the garden or how long maybe the dinos lived outside. We can assume that the curse is the beginning of all death and that maybe even animals would not have died or been killing other animals before this time. So maybe this is a moot point about man living with dinos. <br />
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Another question I have is about the serpent. We always picture this snake in the tree tempting Eve, but this is not Biblical. What did the serpent look like before the curse? Before the fact that he would be condemned to his belly and eating the dust? I would think he would have had to have been up off the ground and one to be reckoned with in order for him to have bared any merit in a conversation with Eve. Now, I do believe that Satan was controlling this animal, but do you think he would have chosen some subtle kitten to tempt Eve or an animal with some presence? I am just saying! Could the upright reptiles of the dinosaur era have been the reptiles that now crawl on their belly, and don't most if not all do this now? And if so were they in the garden as herbivores before the fall? There is no answer here just all questions. <br />
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Another thing I have always wondered is what if Eve had said no? What would the world be like today? Well after years of me asking this question to others and myself and now Olivia asking me this question I have found an answer. It would be no different or it would be one where Satan were trying hard to cause the fall. I wonder how many times Satan had tempted Adam or Eve in some manner. I know how smart Satan is, but was he that smart automatically or did he work at it tempting Adam and Eve over and over until he finally found the biggest weakness in man and succeeded? If Eve had said no to the serpent, what would he have tried next? Would he have stopped? I don't think so. It doesn't matter, God knew what was eventually going to happen and He had plans of a Savior. Plans for One who would finally defeat Satan for good. <br />
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One more question that seems to cause division... How long was the day in the 6 days of creation? Well if anyone cares, it was a day of light and dark. To God a day is 1000 years and 1000 years is a day, so we know that to us it was a cycle of light and dark. Now the actual day- night cycle of light and dark governed by the Sun was not made until day 4 so who can say how long the first 3 days were? God said it was one day, but like the Bible says (2 Peter 3:8) 1 day is 1000 years. <br />
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So, I hope my little devil's advocacy game here will point out the irrelevance of the divisiveness of the creation story. Just remember what is important. God made the earth and everything in it (Acts 4:24). This is the important Truth in the Bible. If you want to know how, don't look for the answers in the Bible, seek God and one day I promise you, if you have nothing better to do at His feet, I am sure He will answer those questions. Just don't take yourself so seriously as to judge other Jesus followers by what you have concluded in you quest to figure God out. Keep your conclusions to yourself and don't bank your faith on something proving God because Satan will wipe out your faith if you are proving it. The definition of faith is believing without proof (Hebrews 11:1). Don't use the Bible as a way to figure God out like a text book. I have said it over and over. Don't do it. You will not figure Him out and will eventually give up and become calloused. Just use it to get to know God and His gift of salvation.Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18022397450457675500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8136409514044232520.post-83463208481095372162010-11-28T13:20:00.000-05:002010-11-28T13:20:36.716-05:00Jesus said so!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Your life will be changed by the gift you receive when you give this Christmas away! (Amy Grant and Matthew West)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh21vh3bASSEiUTUWsPAaUN7E3JBrFA9g0QdTMhk78XyOjmvUyWVyN7adoiGQbbtyuzjbmGGsNIiKvJSWLLln3qKYyRrUydalrOiljSx_OawOij_sZayhg-ay3GKYRYjUkr1kuKHXCZqQMm/s1600/sbcake+068.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" ox="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh21vh3bASSEiUTUWsPAaUN7E3JBrFA9g0QdTMhk78XyOjmvUyWVyN7adoiGQbbtyuzjbmGGsNIiKvJSWLLln3qKYyRrUydalrOiljSx_OawOij_sZayhg-ay3GKYRYjUkr1kuKHXCZqQMm/s320/sbcake+068.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9cjmzP3Y0HhZQl8koyu4uKCXyoXkbi0DuepixpId-huGUlU5Wmh0cYnVAX1QAB05FsmYJLYoDlXEpqsdgy0FxxSm8Pfvm4c1yWXPIXaUwQGC3oO5QDK7Cr5PDmDfOXOLZVY6nWVIm-J07/s1600/birthdayboxes+005.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" ox="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9cjmzP3Y0HhZQl8koyu4uKCXyoXkbi0DuepixpId-huGUlU5Wmh0cYnVAX1QAB05FsmYJLYoDlXEpqsdgy0FxxSm8Pfvm4c1yWXPIXaUwQGC3oO5QDK7Cr5PDmDfOXOLZVY6nWVIm-J07/s320/birthdayboxes+005.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkqtFgQtInnACGWXCLyKbyF8yOLXnq-sKvg-TrV0-a99C4m6LpzwjjRYzDCUVZCcVWnNnPD3KCzJFQvTHlFLvBXO08FhU4c6dwefGIU6k0kcYYDayFrbQJ7AhiukHz0tRhgQYV8gg7-2zK/s1600/birthdayboxes+007.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" ox="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkqtFgQtInnACGWXCLyKbyF8yOLXnq-sKvg-TrV0-a99C4m6LpzwjjRYzDCUVZCcVWnNnPD3KCzJFQvTHlFLvBXO08FhU4c6dwefGIU6k0kcYYDayFrbQJ7AhiukHz0tRhgQYV8gg7-2zK/s320/birthdayboxes+007.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>I couldn't be more thankful for my daughters who love to give and who are blessed by giving. They were so proud of their boxes. The OCC volunteers sang Happy Birthday to them and I think this is the best birthday gift I could have ever given them. The gift of giving. As a parent we have such a difficult job in teaching our kids how to live for Jesus and not for themselves. Especially when we ourselves have to actually look beyond our own reflection. I for one have a difficult time looking beyond my own selfish desires. I want what I want and usually 5 minutes ago. Anyhow, we all had a lesson in how it is more blessed to give than receive and we shared this gift with all of the party goers too. I hope they were as blessed as we have been and are as proud of themselves as we are of them. Thanks to all of our friends for making this donation of 34 boxes to OCC happen. We are tracking them to their final destination and I will share here where each box ends up. God bless you all and remember:<br />
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<span style="color: blue;">Acts 20:35</span><br />
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<span style="color: blue;">In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ ”</span><br />
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<span style="color: black;">Your life will be changed by the gift you receive when you give this Christmas away!</span>Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18022397450457675500noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8136409514044232520.post-4185761099927272502010-11-19T15:33:00.000-05:002010-11-19T15:33:08.552-05:00An open book.So I have been thinking about books and comparing them to my life. Yeah, yeah, I am weird like that. You know I absolutely love a good book-- fiction, non-fiction, inspirational, self-help... any good book. I love the smell of a new book and I love, love, love to go to a book store. As a book consumer I usually buy paperback books and not hard back for they are a little cheaper and are usually smaller and always easier to open and sit and read, but I love a good hard back book. Now my favorite book, big surprise here, is my hard cover <u>Archaeological Study Bible</u>. Now I have never been one to write in my books or fold pages down to mark the spot. I am particular about how I treat my books. I never leave a book left open or even worse open face down to mark my spot. This is terrible for the binding. I generally use a book marker or just remember the page number I stop on. You know if you were to look at my Bible (after removing all of my bookmarks) the pages are like new. Now the cover, has done its job well in protecting the inside. It is actually duct taped together, and I had to purchase a Bible cover to cover it up it looked so rough. I have allowed the hard cover to protect the vulnerable delicate pages. <br />
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What is the most important part of the book-- The cover or the story? Dumb question? Now it really doesn't matter a lot about the books on shelves, but what about the story of our lives? Do we protect our vulnerable pages by keeping a hard cover closed or do we leave our books open for others to write in and flip through and maybe even ear mark a page or two or more? You see if we keep our books closed, no one can read the story-- a great story written by God. No one can glean anything from our lives. <br />
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You know, I was told recently from an old high school friend, who is now a preacher, that when we love people we open ourselves up to be hurt by them. Some people may rip the pages to shreds tearing through the book in anger, disgust, jealousy, annoyance, over use... Some people my write on our pages and make notes in the columns. It can hurt a lot, but it does some marvelous things to the story. Even the pages torn out can be placed back in with some care. This may look atrocious, but what a story in itself, about how the page was ripped out and then replaced with such care. All of the notes and earmarks just show how our life is being used to help others and just might make our story stronger. <br />
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I don't think God wants His story of us closed up tight on a shelf of protection. I think He wants it to be read and enjoyed and torn apart and written in and earmarked. So next time someone hurts you deeply with an unkind word, a grudge, an insult, a little gossip... remember the pages are written by God and meant to be read by others and they are all critics. When you allow others access to the delicate pages of your life, you open yourself up to be vulnerable to ink, tears and folds. Don't be shocked or insulted. God will use your story-- His story of you, for His good purposes. It maybe painful at first, but the lessons learned all around are very much worth it.Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18022397450457675500noreply@blogger.com0