I must be doing something wrong?

I truly try to live what I believe.

Matthew 7:17-19
"17Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. 19Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire."

Matthew 12:33"Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognized by its fruit.

That being said, I have some family members who are worried about my salvation. After the reunion, I found two DVDs about getting back to the Truth. They had been slipped in my car anonymously. Now, I can't figure out what I am doing wrong (other than the obvious-- I sing to the Lord with music). I have asked Hubby what it is I do that produces the "bad fruit". I have done so much self evaluation and am thinking I need some help. He told me it was that they just had on blinders. I still think that in this world we are supposed to be different enough that even non-Christians are to recognize there is something different about us. We have been set apart from the world, and to me something that is set apart and special is noticeable. At a wedding the wedding cake is set apart-- it does not go unnoticed even by people who don't like cake. So I must be slacking in my walk, right Lord? Show me what it is that I need to tweak.

As I right this, I am reminded of the Pharisees questioning Jesus. God, You are answering me as I write this. Jesus could not have walked a more perfect way. What is more than perfect? Jesus was perfect and the law keepers questioned Him and believed He was wrong because He did not keep the law. Now I realize my total lack of perfection, but if Jesus was questioned by those people, maybe Hubby is right.

2 Corinthians 4 Treasures in Jars of Clay
1Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. 2Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways ; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God. 3And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. 4The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. 5For we do not preach ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. 6For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness,"made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.

After reading this scripture I remembered my daily devotion via email. I had not read it only looked at the title verse (Today's Truth) which contain the words "jars of clay". I went back and read the whole devotion. This is so amazing in how God operates. I probably would not have gone back and read this on my own, but through this post He is speaking to me. Let me quote from the devotion (Sharon Jaynes) "I realized that day that each person has great value as a possible container of something -- Someone -- very special, Jesus Christ, God's own Son. He stands at the doors of many who, in our eyes may appear as lost luggage, filled with filthy rags." This led me to feel better about my own witness, but more importantly it made me step back and stop thinking badly of those who question me and my salvation. I know what is on the inside of me and am secure in the Lord for my salvation, but only God can see the hearts of the others. It is never my place to judge them-- even in my mind. I need only to see the empty space that could be filled with the Holy Spirit. The part highlighted in that verse above about our gospel being veiled to those who are perishing makes me so sad. It actually has brought tears to my eyes to even think that they could be perishing. I don't think they are for they know the gospel... it is not even my place to think these things, but I can pray for them.

I am interested to watch the DVDs, because I always love to hear someone teach the Word of the Lord. I crave it more than Godiva chocolate. So if only the anonymous gifter would have simply told me about the DVDs and given them to me as a gift, I could thank them for it.

I come back to add this, bleary eyed, for I have watched one of the DVDs, and more than 3 dozen times in an hour long program the teacher said that he loved me and that even though I am living in sin and have fallen away from God's family... anyhow, I am grieved to the point of sorrow that someone so dear to me (the woman who gave life to my precious husband) sees me as a lost person living in sin. I live everyday of my existence striving to be a witness for the love God has for me, living out His will for my life and sacrificing my own plans. I am broken hearted that she can't see this. Lord help me to continue to be Your light in this world even if those I care about most can't see it. Lord I pray that Your light shining from within me will grow to be so bright that even the blindest of the blind will see it and the shadows of the world.