"If you don't see the real me, you won't see what love has won..." Vota

Friday, January 15, 2010

A change of ponderences

The main point of today's homework was to think about what we meditate on, and prepare for the change of ponderences. One of the things Jennifer had us think about is one (just one) thing that we have stored away (maybe lost or buried) in our thought closet that reminds us of God’s wonders or His Word. I really have a big section in my closet for these things (they just have gotten buried or maybe put on a high shelf I can't reach without help), but the most tangible of them all I want to share with you.

In September of 2008 I hurt my back, again, really bad and was once again stuck in bed unable to move for the pain was so severe. I couldn’t even shift enough to nurse my baby. I had to hang myself slightly off the bed to pump-- but that is an ugly picture so, let’s move on. Anyhow, I thought it might be another kidney stone, so I went to a little walk in clinic I had gone to a couple of times before—I did not have a real Dr. of my own and hadn’t in a long time other than my baby doctor. Anyway, Ernie drove me there with both little one’s in tow and I hobbled into the office. As I spoke to the doctor she asked me my pain level on a scale of 1-10. I said 10—I had NEVER hurt so bad in my life!-- not even in what ammounted to be natural labor and a medication free day after my C-section). She then explained to me that a 10 is screaming in pain, so I changed it to a 9 (I was able not to scream even though every move I wanted to and I had taken pain pills to even get me to this level). Well she told me she wasn’t going to give me a pain medication prescription because she thought I was just seeking drugs-- in not so many words. She left the room and my whole world fell in around me. I started crying. How could she have gotten that idea? Was I really such a degenerate for her to think it was all phony? I started crying. When she came back in the room she asked me why I was crying. I just told her I couldn’t do it anymore. It hurt so badly and this was the straw that broke my back. I couldn’t hold myself together anymore. Being accused of this was egregious to me and now my feelings were hurt as bad as my back. Well, to sum it all up, I left there in search of a real doctor, an appointment with an orthopedist, and a prescription for a non-addictive muscle relaxer which I had to wean my baby early to take (she still didn’t believe me and would not give me the one which is safe to nurse while taking because of the addictive qualities…) Anyhow, after finding my current Dr. and having an MRI, I found I have degenerative disc disease. My doctor told me I really needed to lose some weight which might help my back but also make me less likely to wind up diabetic-- that runs in the family. He suggested I join a gym. Well, financially speaking it was feed my family or join a gym… hmmmm…

I sat on the end of my bed looking at the perfect spot for a treadmill (facing the TV!!!) and told God what the doctor had told me and that I really could use a treadmill. I showed Him exactly where I would put it and I knew He was going to answer my prayer. I knew because my mom has a really nice one that she wasn’t using. I just knew He would prompt her to give it to me. Over the next day or so I kept that thought in the back of my head every time she called.

The phone rang one late afternoon. It was my best friend Kristen, not my mom (sigh). She and her husband had just made some really major decisions to change careers. Her husband had joined the army and they were leaving right away (another sigh, almost a gasp of sadness) and selling their house. She asked me if I wanted her treadmill because they were not going to be able to take it. I was floored. I (I think maybe with lumps and tears and shock for so many reasons...) told her about my week... (long pause) and my prayer. She quicklt told her husband and they both took this a sign they were praying for from God that they had made the right choice. He answered to prayers with one treadmill!!!!!!!!!!! HOW WONDEROUS IS THAT??

This was a very fast and directly tangible answer to my prayer. I could never forget it. The treadmill is sitting right in front of my bed facing the TV. Now every time I see it I remember what God did for me/ us. This wonder of His is mine to exercise on, and I did just before I did this study today. My thought closet has many of this type of thing stored away on the highest shelf where things can't be reached without a step ladder, or lying around in the floor but it is so messy sometimes they are hard to find. I think that some cleaning is in order. These are the things I should ponder, not all of the lies I believe.

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