Inspired! My next 6 or so weeks plan.

Tonight our (BCCC) women's Bible study started again for the New Year. We are doing a Bible study by Jennifer Rothschild called Me, Myself and Lies. This addresses the lies we women tell ourselves, our souls. You know the negative things we tell ourselves like, "you're an idiot", "you can't do anything right", "things will never change", "you are a failure as a mother"... This Bible study (as all of our studies do) was chosen only through some serious prayer for God's leading and it is amazing (I'm sure not just for me) how they seem to be handpicked by God. The Holy Spirit makes sure I know this is the case always on the first day.
Let me tell you what happened today. As I was fixing lunch a song popped into my head. Not even all of the words, but the tune. As I hummed it (quite nicely I might add) I felt the words even though I could not remember anything but the chorus. The song was It Is Well with MY Soul. Noel (my youngest) asked me what I was singing and if she could sing it with me. I told her the name but that I couldn't remember the words. She then asked me what it was about. So I explained it to her as best I could to a three year old. Well tonight, Jennifer used this exact song in several of her illustrations about how it is not well with our soul when we tell it lies.
Anyway, I know this was God telling me that He had chosen this study just like the others. After the intro we talked in pairs about some of the things we thought about the upcoming study, about the acronym CLOSET-

C- Concerns and Cares
L- Likes and Dislikes
O- Objectives and Goals
S- Secrets
E- Eternal
T- Treasures
This is the thought "Closet" of our minds. Any way I shared with my friend that I am very bad to talk down to myself, but she already knew that. I shared with her that the biggest part of my thought closet was the C section and then we talked about how that this didn't really even fit with the lie I told myself all of the time. I am selfish. I really have come to believe it too. I tell myself other lies like I am dumb, I am a bad mother, well some really bad things that would offend me if I heard someone else say them about another mother. With all of these thoughts running through my mind, I got in the car and headed home from Bible study. On the radio this song came on called The Words I would Say, by The Side Walk Prophets.

Three in the morning,
And I'm still awake,
So I picked up a pen and a page,
And I started writing,
Just what I'd say,
If we were face to face,
I'd tell you just what you mean to me,
I'd tell you these simple truths,
Be strong in the Lord and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
These are the words I would say,


Last time we spoke,
You said you were hurting,
And I felt your pain in my heart,
I want to tell you,
That I keep on praying,
Love will find you where you are,
I know cause I've already been there,
So please hear these simple truths,


Be strong in the Lord and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
These are the words I would say,


From one simple life to another,
I will say,
Come find peace in the Father,
Be strong in the Lord and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
Thank God for each day,
His love will find a way,
These are the words I would say

Now, I was really singing along to this song and as I usually do I mis-sung (probably not a word) the lyrics. When He sang "These are the words I would say" what came bellowing out of my mouth, top notch in volume was, "these are the words I should say". As soon as they came out wrong I started crying. This oops, was not just a mistake. It was as if God was using this song to tell me what to say to my soul instead of the lies I do on such a regular basis. At this, I was really crying, I mean the kind where your throat barely works to make sound come out of it. So this is the conversation I am going to have with myself, my soul as I continue through the next 6 weeks of Bible study. I am also going to blog what I learn and discover about myself through this whole lesson. This is exactly what I want this blog to be about. Helping other moms see that we all share the same battles, none of us is better than the other even with all of our differences, pressures, feelings...

Jennifer brought up a very poignant thought. That God wants us to feel like we can't do this mom stuff on our own, that we are failures at the job... without Him that is. He is the only way any of us moms can do the job He has assigned us. With His help we cannot fail.

She also talked a little about how the "secrets" part of our thought closets can be dangerous to the health of the rest of our closet. Maybe this is what God has been preparing me for in calling me to transparency; emptying the boxes of secrets in my thought closet.