"If you don't see the real me, you won't see what love has won..." Vota

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Can a star fade then shine again?

Have you ever done something without thinking and then in retrospect thought, "what the heck was I thinking?" Ever done something so out of character for yourself that you can't believe you really did it or maybe it was all just a bad dream? Maybe it wasn't sooo bad on the grand scheme of things that you remember today the details, but it was so opposite of what you usually do that you remember the experience. Let me tell you, I find myself in the midst of just such a situation. It is a relatively minor infraction, but it was a powerful witness in the EXACT opposite direction I want to be witnessing for. I feel like I completely let down my Father by representing Him as I did such a misdeed. I feel like all my efforts to be Jesus to the world have just been shoved under the rug of a mistake and that the mistake is as big as a swollen toe and hurts as bad as a paper cut. You know I think the little cuts hurt worse sometimes than the big ones and this "little" mistake hurts me as bad as... well murder.

Let me just put it in simple terms. I put myself first in a situation where I should not have. I thought only of me and not of others. I mean REALLY thought only of me. I mean like threw all caution to the wind to disreguard others feelings. Jee-whiz, I am such a heel at this point, but I realize that I am not my mistake.

I realize that maybe in the grand scheme of things God is using this for His purpose. In so many ways I am seeing lessons for all in this circumstance. I for one am reminded of Phillipians 2:3-4, Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. I also am reminded that my actions are so powerful in proclaiming Christ and my mess-ups are most often more powerful than my good deeds. I pray that in owning up to my mistake and loving the friend who recognized it and brought it to my attention that I can learn from this experience and be a better Christian for it. I hope that it also will help remove the stumbling block I set in place before all involved.

I read in my devotions this morning that,  "Faithful are the wounds of a friend", Proverbs 27:6. A friend who loves you so much to risk the friendship to be straight with you can be the best friend you could ever have. I hope that this friend (Ami) realizes what a blessing she is. I pray that lessons will be learned and feelings mended and truth to resound. I pray that friendships grow stronger and hearts purer. I pray for God's will in this situation and thank Him for it. I thank Him for taking my mistake and using it for His purpose.

Philippians2:12-16 Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, 13for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.

14Do everything without complaining or arguing, 15so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe 16as you hold out the word of life—

Oh, how I want to be a shining star for Christ.

(OH, yeah...FYI this is not the first time I have messed up royally. Thank God for His mercy and patience. I only wish I could extend as much mercy and patience to others. God's people make mistakes all the time, but we have the Holy Spirit to lay upon our hearts where we went wrong and His compassion, mercy and forgiveness.)

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