"If you don't see the real me, you won't see what love has won..." Vota

Thursday, May 27, 2010

The most important thing I learned in small group training...

I have come to the conclusion this drastic change in my children’s behavior is NOT a fluke. The other night in small group training one of the leaders said to the group (only as an example for a point they were making about positional power and personal power in a group) that positional power would compare with me telling my children to pick up their toys and expecting them to comply, and personal power is the power the child gains when they come and ask me if they can help fix supper. By allowing them to help, I make them feel a part of the family. I give them personal power to help. I had to literally fight the tears stinging in my eyes (who cries at an example), but really all I could think was my typical response is "no". So I am not allowing them to feel like part of the family.

No wonder they argue and fight and complain as much as they do-- did. Ever since I gave them real responsibility they have not argued, complained, and bucked my authority... Instead they have offered willingly to help, been excited about their chores and schedule for the day, played nicely together, and genuinely been part of this family. I in turn have not dreaded my days, dragged myself reluctantly out of bed, and screamed at the girls to do what I tell them. Now they do what they are asked and as I explained in our family meeting they are not working for me, but for God. They ask me what else they can do to help when they complete their chores and genuinely want to help me.

I no longer feel the need to pass them off to Ernie when he comes in from work. I actually enjoy being mom now. Geeze, I feel like such a creep for feeling that way, but even though I loved my job and my children more than life, I sucked at it. Pardon my crude language, but this is how I feel. Nothing is more depressing than to have a job you are bad at. Now I have spent extra time with my girls, worked more consistently during the day, and still am ready to get out of bed early in the mornings. This morning I got up willingly at 6:00. This is incredible for someone who just a week ago could hardly drag herself out of bed at 9:00.

Monday night and Wednesday night we had our small group training at the church and there was no childcare. Both nights we laid the ground rules and put the girls in the 2 year old classroom next-door to our meeting room and for an hour and a half they played nicely and we never once head and argument or scream (except at the very end when Sarah fell and bumped her head. Olivia and she were pretending to be Aurora and Prince Phillip and were dancing and Olivia lifted her up in the air and dropped her. Sarah made sure she told us it was an accident.)

Am I allowed to beat myself up for the past 5 plus years of excluding my children from the family? I think if I learned one thing (which I learned much, much more) in small group training it was how to be the leader of the most important small group of all-- my family.

1 comment:

  1. What an amzing insight..and as I read it, I realize I have been doing the same thing. Thank you Kristan, for your dedication and your blog. You are changing the way people think, for the better.


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