"If you don't see the real me, you won't see what love has won..." Vota

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

What if a naked OD, Mamma's boy knocks on your door?

The other day we had a thunder storm-- our first real thunderstorm in a while. I had plans that I did not want a thunderstorm to ruin, but I made Ernie get off the tiller, and the girls come inside so they would be safe (this was well before the rain and just as the thunder rolled in). When we got in, we noticed the front porch swing going wild in the wind and we know from experience the wind will carry it away using the awning as an umbrella, so we went out in the lightning and took the awning off and brought it inside. In a matter of a maybe 2 minutes I was breathless and shaking and pushed all thoughts aside other than the lightning and we are standing out in it. When we got inside I told Ernie of my last plan-- I wanted the cabinet from the basement brought up and put in Sarah's room. So Ernie went down in the basement to bring it up, but it was way too heavy to lug up the stairs so out in the storm we went again. It was just starting to sprinkle, but the lightning was pretty bad. By the time we got back in the house my dizziness which I had been feeling much of the evening anyhow got worse. It was as if I had regressed and was in college again and drunk but having taken no imbibes to get that way. It was not a pleasant feeling, and then came the splitting headache and the extremely short temper. As the lightning flashed, jolts of electricity sent shock waves through my mind.

Then I thought this: I could get struck by lightning if I was running through the yard in Sarah's pink tutu carrying her princess umbrella all while doing the prettiest rain dance for the Maple tree... Sounds absurd huh?

A friend of mine shared with me some insight on dealing with anxiety in a proactive way which she got from a beating anxiety program she used herself. She told me one way to stop the snowball effect of fears and thoughts and all of the negative downhill extremes you endure while having an anxiety attack is to make an absurd story to go with it. When the thoughts first start heading south for a nice little party you detour them through your own little party and frustrate them to where the vacation is over. Heehee, this makes sense to me, but I bet sounds insane-- I love putting things metaphorically.

Well my little story to myself kept the snowball at the current size and I did not take us to the basement or whatever for ridiculous protection. I used to be so terrified of lightning that when Ernie and I were first married we spent every storm in the kitchen at the restaurant we worked for because it was under ground and we lived in a little metal box, under a huge tree on top of a hill. So when the forecast called for storms I packed us up, dogs and all and we went down to the cabin at the Crosseyed Cricket. I also skipped school on days when there was lightning because I could not breathe in it much less drive.

I prayed with a sincere heart for God to rid me of this irrational fear (as well as my fear of snakes) and He did. I have been a little nervous but more intrigued by both since then, but something happened and it was like the switch was trying to flip on its own. I made it through the storm the next night with only shudders at each thunder bolt, I did not think on purpose about the storm and what could happen every time I turned on the faucet while I was making dinner. It was like trying to ignore the giant elephant in the room, but that is what I did. Thankfully it was a short storm.

This morning I told myself another absurd story. Ernie had left his phone and I started out thinking about all of his calls coming in and disrupting my day (not really a big deal) and maybe I should just call him and ask him if her cares if I turn it off... hmmm, well when I called him his phone rang, but it was in my hand. Ha! Oh yeah. Then I thought what if something happened to him on the way to work, and what if... then I stopped right there and thought what if a man in his under-roos comes to the door needing Ernie to pick him up a new set of clothes on his way home from the mall because he was OD (not OCD mind you), Oppositional Defiant, and got rid of all his clothes that his mamma bought him and he needed Ernie's help... That OD mamma's boy was so weird in my thoughts I stopped thinking about the other what ifs.

I don't understand why all of a sudden I am hanging the "what ifs" in my thought closet.

 I haven't bought into those in a really long time and it is like Satan has taken my claim in the first two lines of this blog post and reminded me of the times in my life where irrational "what if's" ruled my thoughts during certain times.
So I will hang this in my thought closet today!

He restores my soul... (Psalm 23:3) I am someone who definitely needs her soul restored. Today God will fill my cup till it overflows and I will look at this as a blessing not as a mess to clean up.

No comments:

Post a Comment

I love to read your comments! I would love to post those with actual thoughts reflecting on my posts. Spam and nastiness will not be posted.