"If you don't see the real me, you won't see what love has won..." Vota

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Whose plans?

I started a new book today while I sat in the McDonald's playland. The book is "Between Sundays" by Karen Kingsbury. It is a book about NFL football players and their lives between Sundays. Now it is mere coincidence that I am starting this book the day before biggest NFL game of the year, I promise! I just have had it for a while and needed something to occupy me while the girls climbed and ran and yelled off their pent up energy.

It was difficult for me to start this book, for I kept having to stop every little bit, but not for the reasons that are popping into your head. It was not because of the distractions or noise. It was because the forward alone touched my heart and I was really not wanting to break down right there in the play land in full blown tears. The forward is written by Alex Smith of the 49ers (now this was written in 2007 and I could not tell you whether or not he is still with the 49ers). It was his story of concern for the foster care system in our country, and about his foundation-- The Alex Smith Foundation. Please follow this link to check it out.

The reason this strikes such a nerve in me is that Ernie and I have talked about foster care and have seriously considered it. AND now after the earthquake I want sooo badly to adopt a son from Haiti or daughter or both or sibblings or... I don't really care who or how many-- I'd even take the grannies. Well anyhow, this is all just sitting brewing in my heart for I figure if it is God's will, Ernie will come to the same conclusion without my coersion and/or the opportunity will present itself to US in such a way that we know it is what God has in His plans for us. So... now everytime I am alone and am listening to the radio-- usually in the car on the way to Bible study, and I hear the stories on the radio of people adopting children from Haiti I about lose it. It is an interesting thing to have such a strong desire for someone I don't even know. It, well, it shows me just an inkling of what God must feel for all of His lost children.

So, back to that book. It only gets harder to read without tears after the forward. In the prologue a mother is dying right in front of her very young son. She finally stops fighting as she feels it is time to die and she asks God what about her son. She realizes then that God has plans for her son and he will be OK without her, and she dies. This made me think more about my plans. Those I have for my children, for my family, for myself... They are my plans. I don't know about you, but I betcha if you are a parent or god-parent, you have often wondered what would happen to your children after you die. There are whole professions who focus on such instances so I know this is not just an individual phenomena. I have often prayed to God that I might not die yet or before my children are grown because their raising could only be done by me-- Ernie and me that is. We have chosen someone to take them if we die (his older sister) and feel very comfortable with our decision, but I still have my own desires. I want my girls to be raised a certain way, with certain educational experiences... My plans for them. Even though or if my plans are following God's plans I tend to take them and make them mine. What I mean is, I take them and plan on top of them. Do you understand what I mean? I mean, for example, I take the leading to home school, and I think, " well if I die who is going to home school them?"  Notice the "I think" there... I bet that is the point where His plans start getting messed up by me. OK, so I never get to the Truth that if it is God's plan for them to continue to be home schooled He will provide the way, or maybe I won't die during these years???

Well anyway, my point is that I can trust God in His infinite wisdom in all areas of my life and death, not just in a few select areas-- the ones with which I am willing to trust Him. When I worry about my girls future and the plans I have for them... the plans are exactly that-- MY PLANS. I really need to give these concerns over to Him like I have the desire to adopt a Hatian child or children or granny. Even in my deepest desires to live to see my children grown and grandchildren grown and great-grandchildren... born (I think by then I'll be pretty old so I'll forgo seeing them grown in my deepest desires), I will hand them over to my Omnicient God, and just trust that He holds them in His hand just like He is holding onto me. AND as long as I am here, I will just take the lead and pray for my children, grandchildren and great-grand children AND in my prayers I can even pray for my upteen-greats grandchildren to be raised to know and trust God.

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