"If you don't see the real me, you won't see what love has won..." Vota

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Here is what I am up to.

Not that at this point I have any followers left I am sure, for it has been a really long time since I've written... but here is what I am up to.  I am considering taking up the pen again and writing (or tapping at the keyboard rather) much to the chagrin of a best friend of mine who thinks blogging is stupid. I am prepared to take the flak-- I'm pretty sure I have never actually typed that word before and am shocked it is a real word... but back to the drivel- well maybe just to said friend, possibly my monological writing will be beneficial to some people. I know I went back and read some of my words [out of boredom I went to the stats of my all but abandoned blog and found that many times a day this one particular page was being trafficked by people all around the world so I followed the entry point to this page]--  Satan is the author of all lies, fear and shame! a post that has been read 100's of times by people literally all over the world (according to the stats).  In reading this long since forgotten post, I actually helped myself realize that writing is helpful to me. I can logically and scripturally analyze my issues-- issues that I must not be alone in dealing with or at least they are found amusing. 

Oh so, so, so, so many issues. I apparently have more issues than any real life person and thus am my own story book character-- or so I've been told.

So first off-- to all the critics of homeschooling moms-- you win. I gave that up. BUT I still do not think I was wrong in homeschooling-- just my goals for my daughters success will be better served in the setting at the public school arena. I think looking back on my goals-- which I never really calculated inso much as long term goals, were mostly protection and sheltering, and providing a better chance for them to grow in knowledge-- for 1 on 2 teaching 7 days a week, 365 days a year NEVER happens in the public school setting. Looking at how God defines success and what he measures on our "report cards" is TOTALLY different. He looks at the heart. He looks at how my girls love him by loving others and by standing up for him in the face of adversity. Well what am I protecting and sheltering them from? Adversity and conflict. How will they become competent at this and ready to be fully challenged with this if they are not allowed to practice facing the enemy with my helping hand beside and eventually behind them. If I am in front-- then I am the one facing the foe. Right? When I finally one day step out of the way, if they have never seen the enemy because my protective cover has always blocked it, will they see past his beauty and recognize him for what he is?

Even so, this is not the reason I quit homeschooling; it is however, the conclusion I have come to as I seek God's meaning in these changes he is asking us or maybe just allowing us to make. This year our lives in this house have changed more than just school-wise. I am now a full time working mom. A very good/ God thing! I have a new love which I can't wait to eventually share photos with you. You see, his name is Apache. He is black and white and has a marbled eye and weighs about 900 pounds. His barn sister is closing in the gap though as my favorite-- Duchess or "baby girl". She is the horse I helped my dear friend Peggy break this year. Apache is the horse I ride currently, but am likely to start riding duchess soon. Riding is the way I have found to relax and completely forget about the worries of this life. There is no better way to let go than to take off in a full canter, hair flying in the wind behind me... makes me long to be saddled up right now.

So, wether or not I continue to write on here is still up in the air, but just so you know. I am alive-- I AM because He's living in me!

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